Hi Dave, so sorry you feel like this. I too am still grieving and cant cope with lonliness. I also wake up in mornings with a feeling of anxiety and fear. Had lots of problems with neighbours builders causing damp in my house and now i need hospital checks myself. The world is a scary place and i felt safe with my husband. Take care. Im thinking about you and youre not alone in this. Best wishes. Debbie xx
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Hi everyone.
I want to send my love and hugs to everybody on this site. 
I’ve just come back from shopping and sat down and sobbed. My husband and I always went shopping together and I absolutely hate being on my own, especially at this time. He was so generous. If I saw something I liked, especially Christmas things, he’d say “I’ll get it for you”. I know we all have very similar feelings, but I love and miss him more than words can express. I know we all have to “go” sooner or later, but I really want mine to be sooner. I hate feeling like this - tears at every turn and no-one to confide in. I just want to be with him so much. 
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It is so very hard. My husband was always saying I’ll get you it. Now I just think what the hell and buy it myself. Whenever I get anything wrong with me I find myself hoping its something serious. But we don’t get to decide. I know it would devestate my family if anything happened to me. All my three boys do not have any friends who have lost their dads. So I keep going for them, and I do find joy in my grandchildrens smiles but when you are alone the grief and loneliness wraps its arms around you and you feel you are drowning. So today is spent doing the last of my online Christmas shopping and taking yet another bag of stuff to the charity shop. Its a lovely day so will get out there and go for a walk. I can pretend that my husband is beside me.
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Wise words, thank you. I feel physically sick just thinking about ‘everything’ at once. So now only do small steps, daily doable stuff. Kleenex must be making a fortune, the tears keep coming - let them come. No one can blame you and no one on this site would. We’re like an invisible battalion walking side by side, helping each other if we stumble.
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Hi Debbie, The loneliness is horrendous. I’ve talked to people who say the loneliness lessens as you get used to living alone but for me it’s getting worse. I had never lived alone until Lillian died. I can’t bear it. Now I am without her I have lost all my self confidence and finding it more difficult to go out.
I’m so sorry you are having to put up with the damp from your neighbour’s building work. I hope you are okay, damp can cause serious health problems.
You take care too, Debbie and look after yourself. Thinking of you too. We can all get though this somehow with the help of each other. Sending hugs, Dave. xx
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Hi Dave thank you for your message. It hasnt got easier for me. My daughter came round this evening and it was lovely, but when she left i felt alone again. Neigbours havec admitted liability for damp and have sacked their builders and got another firm in so hopefully problems will get sorted and i dont have to stress about that too. Try and keep busy if you can. Distraction can help for a while. A long weekend coming up which i dont like. Take care and look afterb yourself. Debbie xx
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Hi all. Why is it that I feel whatever I say or do no-one is interested. I just feel totally alone.
I keep being told to go out - I DON’T WANT TO GO OUT - apart from food shopping. Where would I go. I’m on my own. Places I could go to just remind me of being with my husband and it’s just too painful. I’ve always been happy to be in the house and potter, and while I’m not happy any more, I feel secure just staying in. My confidence has gone. I find it so difficult making decisions with no-one to talk things over. I could sit and cry all day. I don’t, because what would that achieve. I’ll admit mornings are the worst - lots of tears, and at meal times. I’m told it will get better - I don’t think so. I’m always going to love him. I’m always going to miss him - how can it get better. It’s been 5 months now since my husband passed away and I’m feeling far worse now. Far more tears, far more feelings of hopelessness.
I suppose it sounds as if I’m feeling sorry for myself and yes, I guess I am, so I apologise to everyone 'cos I know we’re all “in the same boat”. I’ve no family of my own so just need to offload somewhere.
I just feel that throughout my life, no-one has ever listened to me, no-one has ever taken me seriously so why should it be any different now. My husband has been the only one who really loved me for me - faults and all - and now he’s not here. We only had 10 years married - the happiest 10 years of my life, and now it’s all over and I feel I’m back to where I was.
Sorry, I’m going on too much and too long.
Love and hugs to you all.
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@Harriet4Bill
Indeed!
I think the more people expect me to be sorting myself out, and become a “going out all the time” person that I’ve never actually been, the less I actually feel like doing it or even trying to do it. And the more I avoid people.
Just like you my husband was the one who understood me and accepted me for who I am. All my life I’ve been told I’m wrong about everything. Even when I was supporting him through a decade of cancer, devoting my life to him, I was told I should be looking after myself and was failing because I wasn’t (Sure, nice thought! But I was running a business, running the house & finances, being a full time carer with no other support, and chauffer to several medical appts a week… I’m not a flippin magician that could create time warps and different realities). I have a decade of tiredness to deal with. And I’m also revisiting the loss (of our anticipated future at 52) that we thought we’d dealt with years ago, along with the reality now.
I’ve decided I’m keeping my head down till after Christmas. I tried going to a grief group, but when I said I planned to spend Christmas alone I still got the tut, tut from people who have close families to support them. We always hated Christmas and avoided other people’s ones.
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