I’ve read so many stories on here about people wanting to die to be with their loved ones or generally not wanting to live.
I’d say that’s where I’m at, a few months back I really wanted to die too, I even thought if I had cancer I’d decline treatment. I have 5 kids so realise that’s very selfish but at the time I didn’t care.
Now I don’t necessarily want to die but most days are a chore and I really don’t like life. People always say it’s early days, take a day at a time, which I do but I believe I’ll always feel this way. My life will never, ever be as good as it once was.
Are we just supposed to live being miserable forever? It seems like such intolerable cruelty.
I gather I’m at the depression stage of grief, how do you know when this stops being normal? I’m already on antidepressants. I can get through the days, I still go to work, I still try and do all the fun things with my kids but I just don’t like life. Is this normal?
My mum is 81 and lost my dad 4 years ago, they were together since 17 years old. She loves life and doesn’t want to die ever! She misses my dad but she admits herself she doesn’t think of him often and his death didn’t impact her like my husbands has done to me.
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How lovely that your mam feels like that now. I don’t think I’ll ever stop thinking about and missing my OH.
I do want to enjoy life again though. We are only here once and as much as I wish I could go to bed and not wake up and not even know I existed I’m still here and could easily have another twenty years in me. I don’t want to spend that time miserable and crying about something I can’t change 
Did your mam go through the same feelings as us when she first lost your dad or did she always have the will to go on and live her life? Were they happy in the years before your dad passed?
I’ve kept myself busy this last week, I’ve been seeing friends again and going for walks etc. I’m about to go for a walk and a pint in the next village now. I wish with all my heart my OH was still here but I’ve accepted it’s never going to happen now. Now I guess I just need to fill my days as best I can until it’s my turn to leave. Honestly I don’t want to live to be an old lady now. To me life is rather a strange experience, you’re born, you work, you lose your loved ones around you then you die and cease to exist. Why? 
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Kat1984,
So sorry for your loss ,
I understand what you are saying,
I felt that I didn’t want to carry on without my husband Dave lost him October 2022,
To a cardiac arrest ,
I felt like I was in a bad nightmare,
I have been to his grave today and played him his favorite songs,
I still have his clothes in the wardrobe,
So difficult living without our soulmates,
Take care
Big hugs
Sue x
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Thanks both. @LostLil yes my mum has always been this way. My dad was poorly but we didn’t know he was going to die, from the time he went in hospital it was about 2 weeks.
I’m not sure if it’s because my mum is scared of death. She’s always had health anxiety her whole life. Me too In a way but lately I don’t care. I just don’t want to waste away with some awful cancer or MND or something.
My mum was born in the 40s so she wouldn’t have described my dad as her soul mate, she loved him but more as a friend. She said back then you just stayed with the person you had children with, unlike people nowadays that swap and change at the drop of a hat. So maybe that’s why she’s not as bad as me.
I think acceptance is probably key, I’ve accepted he’s gone but I don’t think I’ve accepted that I’ve now got to try my best to be happy and find a new way, partly because I don’t want to. What you resist persists as they say.
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