I quite understand how you feel. My partner died just over 12 months ago very suddenly from a stroke. I became ill a few months later due to stress of dealing with everything as I have no family to help. I now suffer from depression and anxiety and have councelling. It is very difficult to force myself out when I am anxious but I know isolation will make my depression worse. I seem to be upsetting friends who were very helpful at first but now I have fallen out with. No-one understands bereavement or depression unless they suffer from it and they all tell you what to do when they have no idea what you are going through - eventually they either drift away or end up being quite nasty in their comments, which makes the depression even worse. I never realised bereavement would still make me feel like this after 12 months. My depression makes me cry a lot, especially in the mornings. I hate living alone as there is no-one to talk to when I need to especially as I have no family and lost friends over this awful time.
Thats awful that youve been through & are still going through so much. I hope the counselling is helping you. A friend pointed out to me that im in a chasm & other peoples lives still move on when ours feel stuck. Have you got anyone that you like to spend time with? Maybe a short walk in a country park or a cuppa at home?
Thanks for replying. I have just been out to a local cafe and bumped into people I know who sat with me. However, at the moment my depression and anxiety never leaves me. Just when I thought I was getting better a friends nasty messages has put me right back. Unfortunately she is a near neighbour so it is difficult to avoid her. I am hoping time will heal.
Thats lovely that you have been out & seen some friends for a little back. Though a nasty interaction can throw us off kikter sometimes try not to see it as you not getting better. Its ok that some things affect us even when we dont want them to, we are still human afterall & still feel. Even if we dont want to have those feelings when someone has hurt us, albeit alot worse whe someone does it deliberately. Hopefully you can set some boundaries with this neighbour & that will help protect your inner peace. Hope you are ok.x
I lost my son unexpectedly from a massive heart attack last November, he was 44 with a son of his own, my grandson.
Because he wasn’t married or didn’t have a will, me and my grandson s mum have had to deal with his estate.
Selling his house etc
I am still struggling with the shock at the moment 
Thank you. It helps to talk and have a sympathetic ear. As I have no family I find it very difficult.
@flowergarden it is very lonely & isolating. However i notice even those with families, partners, children , siblings, parents etc still feel a sense of loneliness too. Though for some.of us without that in can seem all the more hopeless x