My mum passed away in May and my dad 2 years ago. Since mum died I can’t face seeing anybody. My friends offer to meet up etc but I make excuses, I just want to stay at home. Does anyone else feel this way? I’m normally quite sociable and I know I’m pushing people away. Is this part of grieving? I didn’t go through this with my dad?
Xxx
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I definitely think this is part of the grieving process. I, too, feel happier at home and don’t really want to see people although I am trying to make myself do it from time to time. I have arranged to go for a walk this afternoon with a friend and I’m actually looking forward to it now. Maybe try to arrange to meet just one friend this week, and see how you feel xx
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I agree with you, I want to but I feel like I have no motivation and my anxiety is through the roof. I know baby steps is the way forward but it’s hard isn’t it. I know my mam would be telling me off if she were here!
Xx
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So sorry for your loss. 
I think it’s normal. When we grieve we don’t have the energy we usually have and, for myself, it also feels strange to do ordinary things, as if things were ordinary now. It’s different losing a parent when you still have the other one to lean on, too, so it isn’t strange that you didn’t react the same way before.
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Thank you. It’s very weird with both mum and dad gone. I understand now what some people mean when they say they feel like an orphan.
I feel like my life is on hold and I know my parents would want me to move on but it’s just so hard xxx
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Or your life is over ? don’t think today’s world makes it easy for anyone either. I questioned myself even before mum passed. It’s hard living in today’s world never mind trying to make sense of it all. I can’t thinking of the past and all the memories I had with mum and I feel the tears come.
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@Shelly67 I understand. I really feel I should get out and about more but then I don’t have the energy or enthusiastic to. I’m well aware I don’t eat particularly healthy so it could be that I suppose
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So sorry for your loss Shelly67. What you are experiencing is not unusual following a loss. I also lost my beloved Mum, and 6 years later my sweet younger Sister, both fell victim to cancer. I was always very social and had many friends and acquaintances. After each loss I found myself isolating and pushing people away. All I did was work, and come home and close the door behind me. What added to my despair is knowing I hurt people by rejecting their efforts to be there for me. Some understood, but others understandably drifted away. I can suggest you take small steps. Perhaps a brief meet up fot coffee or tea, only as long as you can tolerate. You might be surprised that for that short time you feel a bit better. I will never be as social as I was, and I have limited myself to only a few good friends (some who were also close to my Sister, so we share a deeper understanding of our mutual grief.) We are forever changed by the death of a loved one (and for many of us that involves multiple losses) I see it as rising from the ashes, but never soaring quite as high as before, when we had our loved ones to lift us. Perhaps you reacted differently to your Dad’s death because you still had your Mum there for support, as I had my Sister when our Mum passed on. Go at your own pace, you are dealing with compounded grief, after the loss of both parents in such a short interval. Xxx
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I know, it’s the having nowhere to turn to anymore that really gets to you. Most days I still feel it’s impossible to find my way.
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I’m still trying to get out of my bubble I have around me and really can’t be bothered with speaking to hardly anyone. I was never like this before I lost my son.
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I think everyone has a bubble or comfort zone and it’s perfectly okay to stay in it until you’re ready to come out
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I can only echo Eponine, it’s okay to stay in your comfort zone until you are ready. We have to try to be kind to ourselves and not demand too much too soon.
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So sorry for your losses, that must be so hard I totally understand what you’re saying. I think my friends understand, at least I hope they do. Look after yourself xx:heart:
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I thought my so called best friend understood but all she could talk about was herself and her health. She never even asked me how the inquest went. I always remember what my Mum said about her, nice person but always moaning, I never saw that until I lost my son. Even before I lost my son our friendship wasn’t right, but I’m so glad I had the strength and strongness in me to end the friendship. No longer even a friend and I certainly don’t miss her in my life. Glad you have friends who understand. I’m lucky I have other friends to help me x
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I think some people mean well but they just don’t know what to say. And other people don’t change
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I fully understand what you mean, I also have a similar situation. I think we are more sensitive when we are grieving. I’m so thankful that we have people on here to talk to who are going through same thing for support. Look after yourself xxx
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When you lose a loved one it takes time to process and there are so many layers to grief. I was exactly the same after losing dad maybe because we had our mums to lean on? Be gentle with yourself there is no rush
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Thanks Charlotte yes I never thought of it like that. Maybe that’s why it’s hit me harder now they’ve both gone. It’s like a big empty hole. I don’t like feeling like this.xx
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Hey i lost my mum in February i have days like this . Grief hits everyone differently. Take one day at a time .Perhaps have a friend come to you for coffee if you dont feel up to going out .or just have a chat over the phone .
Sending you hugs x
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Thanks Emma, sorry to hear about your mum. Thanks for the advice, I’ll definitely try them. Take care xx
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