It’s been 10 months and two weeks to the day since my soulmate, the love of my life took her own life. Nothing changes, it just feels as raw and devastating today as it did on the day it happened. I don’t want to lose my ‘pain’ as much as it hurts …it may seem strange but my pain is all I have left of her, yes I have memories, beautiful, beautiful memories of fun, laughter and ‘togetherness’ ? But I can’t visit those memories yet, much, much too painful. I’m just lost, in limbo, nowhere to go and nowhere I’d want to go. I just miss Dani so so much, I can’t imagine any future without her and I wouldn’t want to. So ? I just go through motions ‘ hello’ ‘good day’ ‘how are you’ ? ‘Yes I’m fine’ all totally meaningless conversations when all I really want to do is shout out and scream !
I’m so sorry to hear you lost your lovely wife in such horrible circumstances. But I’m feeling the same after losing my son aged 39 from bowel cancer. It will be 4 years in October. Feels like yesterday. As I write this my stomach is churning. People say are you feeling better now. I want to scream at people. No I’m not but hide my feelings to myself. If only people understood. Ok it does get easier but it’s just something you have to get on with. Of course on my own, I look at his picture which hangs on my wall facing me. Good luck with your grief. I know it’s so hard to carry on.
Norrie, I saw this somewhere " Time does not heal a heartache, nor stop a silent tear, or take away the memories of one we held so dear." My Darling Wife left me in April 2024. I have brought quite a few happy memories to the top and stored them in my fresh memory. When I am sad I bring one of them to my mind. The heartache and tears I know is the price of 53 years having my Darling Elizabeth in my life. I am starting to be able to to manage the grief a little better now. My best advance is to have a happy memory without it always be followed by sadness. I do hope that you are due an upturn in your feelings.