Nothing is important....

It’s 3 months today since my husband left this earth. I ask myself how does that make me feel. The answer is, no different than yesterday, the day before and, probably no different than tomorrow either. Most of the time I feel this hasn’t happened at all. Some of the time I feel it’s a lot longer than 3 months and, some more of the time I feel it’s a lot less. In other words, time doesn’t appear to mean much anymore. Inside of me it stood still, outside of me it didn’t, because it couldn’t, I have to keep moving, and I do.

I have been taught so much the past 3 months. About others, about myself and about life in general. Hard lessons mostly.

I have accepted completely this is the one experience I will never come to terms with. Nor do I want to really. I’m good with continuing to miss my husband, love my husband and continually carry him with me in my heart and soul. I wouldn’t want to ever not do those things.

I’m grateful, very, very grateful and proud to be his wife, more now than ever I think and to carry him and his love with me for the rest of my life is nothing short of an absolute privilege.

The biggest and most important lesson I have been taught is; nothing is important…except LOVE!

xxx

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Hi there im so sorry for your loss it’s six months and six days since my soulmate of seventeen years fell asleep in my arms every day is getting worse all I want is my soulmate back in my arms im utterly heartbreakon and truamatised every second is getting harder we had our future mapped out dreams and hopes all cruelly tragically ripped away take care your in my thoughts x

How true the saying that the best learning comes from the most painful experiences. We’re learning things that weren’t even in our thinking.
It’s really difficult to describe how I feel which is a bit of a shock to me. I was usually good at helping people work through things like that and yet my skills seem to have deserted me in my hour of need. I’m still in tune with my thoughts, feelings, emotions but I would struggle to find enough words to describe them.
I can see what you mean about time and it’s relevance. It’s even less relevant to me as I don’t have to be anywhere, at any time, and there are no consequences. It’s a bit like the autumn leaf caught in an a whirlpool in the fast flowing stream.
Only now are we learning how lucky we were, and how little we knew it. The scales have come off and we see the enormity of what we have lost. We haven’t done with learning. There’s lots more to be done.

Thank you Ade x

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I guess we should never be done with learning and, I agree, I’m not very good at trying to describe how I’m feeling anymore. I read back my words and they don’t really come anywhere near… then again, I don’t think I’d ever be capable of giving a thorough and real description. Probably because it’s all just a mixed up mess most of the time. I don’t understand it myself so I can hardly expect to communicate it clearly to others whether written or vocal. I just know we have to laugh at the audacity of it all, whenever possible. Easier said than done though!

No problem your in my thoughts take care x

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