Nothing makes sense any more

Anyone who has ever gone through the death of a child of any age and for any reason knows, that the reality is, that no one really understands, not even other bereaved parents. We try our best to support one another in whatever way we can, but so often it feels as though the words are just not enough and the weight of our loss and the effect of grief are such heavy losses that we seem to have to cope with alone.

My wonderful son was 36 years when he died 2 years ago. He should not have died and I can recall everything, I can relive the last 2 weeks of his life as though it is happening all over again, and again, and again.
I am a pacifist by nature, and yet, sometimes, I want to scream about all that was wrong with his hospital care until I have no energy left. I want to fight with everything I have to make things right. My head tells me I can’t change anything, but my heart still does not accept.

I know so many others are grieving too, and I appreciate that we all have some days that seem so much worse than others, and today, is one of those hard to bear days.

Love to all of you who have found the need to join this site. Take good care of yourselves.


I know how you feel, I put in a complaint about the London ambulance service after my son died of secondary bone cancer. He was 47 ,6ft 2 ,and had special needs, we are in our 70s . He was in so much pain,he could not get out of bed, they would not come out to get him down the stairs and to hospital, told when I got him to hospital his hip was near to fracturing .He died within 3 months,I still cry remembering that day. They came back to say after I made the complaint, they did everything right? I wonder if they would say that if that was their child in great pain.