Hello all
I don’t know what it is with the month of November. I lost my mum jn the month of November 2016 and I lost my Nan in month of November to. I see a lot of posts some people have lost loved ones in November. Maybe it’s just me. All I know is November is a month I wish didn’t exist

I lost my Dad in November just gone, sad month for me too :broken_heart:

I’m sorry to hear of your loss.
It’s hard isn’t it. I’m still struggling with loss of my mum over 7 years ago.

Thank you. Such a long process. I hope you have people to support you. Certainly this site is really helpful to speak to others

No I don’t really have any support apart from my dad it’s hard for him to.

Oh I’m sorry to hear that. Do you have any local groups you can join where you can chat to people face-to-face? Sometimes being around others helps take your mind off the awfulness of grief, if only for a short while

Hi no there is no group that I am aware of. I’m pretty much facing my grief on my own. I have a partner I don’t live with she lost her mum few months after blmy own mum. It’s difficult my partner doesn’t want to talk about her grief let alone my own. I truly believe she is suffering from silent grief. I don’t force the issue because I don’t want to upset her. I might be wrong on this she has said to me few times it’s time I got over this. I resent her for it. No one should a tell a grieving person to get over their grief as there is no time limit for grief. Her of all people should know that
I do have a work colleague who’s my best mate that I can talk with about my mum he listens but all I want is my partner to hug me and be more empathetic towards me like I am with her. She’s going right way to losing me.
As for support In reality I’m on my own

Grief really is such a personal journey and it’s sad you don’t feel you can talk to your partner about your loss, along with her own. Perhaps with your partner, her only way of coping is not to talk, some people are like that. Maybe she’ll feel the floodgates will open if she talks and this isn’t something she feels she can handle? What sets me off is the question “how are you feeling?” Every single time! Yet I’m happy to talk about my loss and the person and laugh at all the funny moments we shared over the years. I want to talk about my Dad to anyone who’ll listen. He was a great man and I’m honouring his memory keeping him present. I have many, many sad moments but I also try and be positive and know my Dad would be so sad to know I was grieving because he’s no longer physically here. For me that helps a bit. I’ve looked back on when he lost loved ones and many friends over the years and how he talked about them but then found pleasure from still being on this earth and being able to live a life with those he still had around him. I try really hard to look at what I have, be thankful and live as my Dad would have wanted me to. But that’s really not an easy thing to do and sadness creeps in at any given time. There really is no time limit to getting over a loss and it’s sad your partner says this to you. I think any loss changes you forever and how you think or feel. It’s good to hear you have a supportive work mate though, that must really help. Do you have hobbies that could take away a bit of thinking time maybe? Or if not, could you explore that option? My mum-in-law joined her local sports centre when she lost her husband during lockdown (she’s not particularly sporty :slightly_smiling_face:) and does all sorts of classes and has met so many new friends and they now do lots of different things together and away from anything sporty. She even went away at Christmas for a few days with some of them. It’s given her a new focus, friends and people who understand what’s she’s dealing with. She is retired so had time to do all of this but she’s always out and about!
Do you like exercise? Maybe join a park run or join a walking club? A friend of mine did this when he split up with his partner and was so low and he’s since met a ton of people doing this and they’re all really supportive and there for each other.

1 Like

Well this is one of the things that really annoys me about my so called partner. She asked me to book her a taxi from hers to my home. All I get is a text saying I need to leave here now. I think she’s had a serious argument with her daughter. I’m only guessing but she never explains what’s going on. Now I’m worried she’s not replying to my texts I can’t even get her a taxi here tonight.
This is a classic example how it makes me want to end our 17 year relationship and who would blame me

Sounds like you’re really going thru it at the moment. I hope you get things sorted

Thanks. I doubt I’ll get it sorted to be honest in the short term but I’m a strong believer that things have a way of sorting themselves out.

Jess, your dad sounds like mine. He had a permanent attitude of gratitude. I know that he took it hard when his uncle died, because he had tried to do everything he could to prevent it, but his uncle was too stubborn to accept my dad’s help. But besides that, my dad seemed to be very pragmatic, accepting the things he couldn’t change, and working hard on the things he could change. I miss him so much :sob::yellow_heart:.

1 Like

Your Dad sounds lovely and yes, very much like mine :heart: and that seems to make the loss so much harder, knowing how much he gave to others. Such a gentle soul. I’m with you on the missing part…for me it helps to talk about him often and laugh at all the funny times we shared. I hope you have a good support network and friends and family who can ease this awfulness

1 Like

The lovely part about my dad is me and him have become so much closer since we lost my mum. There is nothing i wouldn’t do for him. It’s scary one day I’ll be completely on my own when I lose my dad. I know I shouldn’t think this way because I didn’t think it of my mum. Now I know you can lose your parents and I’ve got to accept it

That’s such a positive, regarding your relationship with your Dad. I know what you mean though about being worried for the future but try and think of the here and now and making as many memories as you can with your Dad

Hi Jess. Yes I’m making memories with my dad ones I’ll never forget my entire life. Even though he drives me mad I wouldn’t have my dad any other way. At least I’ll be able to say I’ll never have any regrets like I did after I lost my mum
I grew up with an amazing childhood I remember my dad always looked like a teddy boy with his hairstyle like a quiff. I can see why my mum fell in love with him. He’s one amazing dad I’m proud of him and he’s done so much for him. I’m lucky to be his son. I don’t know what I’m going to do when he’s not here.

Sounds like you’ve got some fab memories from your childhood…absolutely priceless. And with time spent now with your Dad, those new memories will be with you forever. Don’t know if I’ve said it before, but can you self refer yourself via Mind to have some counselling now? Might help somehow with the grief following the loss of your Mum and with any anxieties you’re feeling about a future without your Dad? I did this a few years ago as I suddenly became aware of the age of my parents and I was so anxious about one/both of them dying. It got really bad and consumed my thoughts day and night. Anyway, long story short, I had about 10 sessions thru Mind and then Covid hit so I didn’t have the other 2 but those 10 sessions were amazing! I can’t say I didn’t suffer from and still do all consuming grief at times now, since my Dad passed in November, but for the years he was still here I was able to put what would happen and how I’d feel in the future more to the back of my mind. For me, the counselling really helped and coping techniques they gave me then I use now and I’m coping a lot better with my loss, for the most part, than I ever thought I would before it happened.

Hi thanks Jess.
No I’ve been to counselling few times it never helped me. I’m willing to give mind a try. God knows I need it. I just feel I have no one to tell how I feel about my grief over my mum. I feel all alone I can’t even tell my long time partner who lost her mum I was very close to. I know and I maybe wrong she’s suffering silent grief while all the time I feel like I’m losing my mind. My partner likes to portray she’s strong over her mum when it’s me that no longer feels strong
It’s not a nice feeling sorry I’m going on

Its a difficult one as we all deal with grief in so many different ways and it makes such a difference having the support and listening ear of someone we’re so close to, I’m sorry you don’t feel you have that with your partner. Defo worth trying Mind…they do one to ones and also group sessions - maybe it would help being in a group environment for that extra support?

Hi Jess sorry for late reply I’ve been of work for 13 days just come back today. Thanks for your kind reply
I needed the time of work I felt burned out. And I felt my job was getting to me. I get a lot of abuse in my job from the public I just thought it was time I got away from it all for couple of weeks I’ll still get the abuse but there comes a time when you just need some serious chill time and relaxation. Grieving my mum doesn’t help me
Onward and upward from today