Now feel a bit silly

Just watched coronation street and the doctor had the exact same conversation on tv as the doctor had with me, along the lines of cardiac arrest brain starved of oxygen may never regain consciousness. When watching it on tv it made sense, but when it happened in real life it didn’t sink in, I still thought he would wake up at some point. Now I feel a bit silly that I didn’t understand. Sorry just a bit cross at myself for being a bit naive and had a bit of a rant… Rosie

It’s different when it affects you personally, you cling to hope when deep down you know there isn’t any.
My partner was admitted to intensive care as full code, meaning they will do whatever it takes to keep them alive.
In her final days I had to make the decision to make her DNR because her frail body could no longer take CPR. On her last day they asked me if it was time to stop the drugs keeping her heart beating. I told them it was, she passed two hours later.
It’s heartbreaking but all the time we see the machine breathing for them we cling to hope. It’s human and natural, we love them and want to keep them.
God bless, Carl.

Your right, thank you Carl. Without hope what did we have. Feeling a bit better now. Rosie.

Hi rosie44,
When my mum had her brain hemorrhage she looked like she was sleeping and her heart was beating and she was breathing for herself. But I was told that it was a severe bleed deep within her brain in an area that couldnt be operated on and that she would die over the course of the next few hours. The following day mum was still breathing and her heart beating but I was told she was brain dead. All I could think was that she was still breathing and her heart beating so I couldnt accept it was true. As soon as they removed whatever life support mum was on she died.
Now when I see people who are told their lived one is brain dead on programmes I think, oh I know how this goes.
You are in such shock when it happens to you that I think your brain stops yourself from believing. Maybe it’s a defence mechanism.
You weren’t silly at all.
Cheryl x

There are lots of things I never understood what happened to my mum. I felt like I got Carried along on a tidal wave of decisions. Not really understanding or comprehending any of it. They told us if we removed mums mask she would die quickly but if we kept the mask on it would be 24 hours. We decided to take the oxygen mask off so that she was comfortable and not hooked up to any machines. Now I wish I had kept her with us longer I wonder why I wanted it over quicker. I know I absolutely did not want her suffer and she hated the mask when she was conscious. Kept on trying to pull it off. She was already in a coma by now. I was scared she would wake up and be terrified and know what was happening I wanted her to go quick whilst she was unconscious. I watched her take her last breath. But I still didn’t comprehend at the time that she was dying. I felt so numb and detached from it all

I think you did understand af the time joules. I think we all knew what was happening to our mums. But at that time we didnt want them to suffer and we made decisions for them. Also we didnt realise just how hard the future was going to be.
When the surgeon told my sister and I that mum was brain dead we were told there was no rush to turn off her life support and done people take many days to do so. Without any hesitation we told the doctor to turn it off, we said goodbye to the nurses, handed them mums medication and walked to the car park. I look back now and think how??
Why didnt we stay longer and sit with mum? I mine the answer. We wanted mum set free. Why prolong the agony? At the time we were in too much shock to even contemplate how we were going to attempt to get through the following hours, days and weeks.
I think joukes, if we had our time again, we would do exactly the same things.
I often regret not sitting by mums bedside or seeing her in the chapel of rest. Then I remind myself that I made a conscious decision not to see mum like that but to remember her laughing and joking walking to the operating theatre.
Joules. We cannot regret the decisions we made and did them for the very best. Please remember that in your darkest moments x

Oh my god Cheryl. You’ve hit the nail on the head. Thank you so much. You’ve put into words what I have been struggling to say or understand . That’s completely it. It’s the not understanding what lay ahead that made our decisions in a way the right ones. Not the emotional ones.

Thank you thank you. Xx

Rosie don’t beat yourself up. We hang in there, we have hope. When my husband deteriorated in his final months I refused to accept that I would lose him and we talked about all the things we was going to do when he got better. The GP called to see him although he could do nothing and it was kind of him to visit for a chat with Brian but I was so annoyed when he took me to one side and told me Brian was very ill indeed. I almost ordered him to go and told him and anyone else that came to the house that we wanted no doom and gloom we was staying positive. They must have thought I was some sort of nutcase. When they started talking about forms to sign regarding resuscitation I was appalled. How dare they talk of this in front of my husband. As he grew weaker they still kept on about this form, yet his poor body was so frail, what idiot was going to try and resuscitate but I was told that if an ambulance was called they would at least try. He died quietly at home with just me with him. I never called an ambulance there was no point. Something at this stage told me it was time and I was very calm that day. I think a coping mechanism kicks in. Only afterwards do we have to face the nightmare time, we have no idea do we…
Take care.

I’m glad you understand through my many typing errors. I never notice them until I have posted and then they are glaringly obvious!
Jooles…I’m not just saying it. We made our decisions based on what what happening at the time and what we decided was best.
Now we are filled with grief we are doubting ourselves and we have to stop. My mum would have hated 6 of my cousins sitting by her hospital bed staring at her. I know they felt better for doing it but I knew my mum more than anyone. Her hair was scraped back, she didnt have a scrap of make up, nail varnish or perfume on because she had just had surgery and she would have been mortified.
Also, mum knew me so well and knew I couldnt sit there watching her die. The decisions we made were right jooles x

Right until the end I thought I could save my hubby Dave, but I couldn’t. It was the same when I lost my mum. You are not silly, our emotions are all over the place. Take care. Xx