I lost my Grandma back in September 2016. She was very poorly, and passed away quite quickly, and I was the last one to say goodbye to her. Words cannot describe what this woman meant to me. Since she’s passed I’ve been waiting to grieve, but it’s just not happened. I haven’t really cried, and I haven’t discussed the night she died as it was traumatic. Everyone else in my family seems to be able to talk to one another, but I’ve just shut down. I feel completely numb and empty, to the point where my husband and I have split because I just don’t feel anything for him anymore. I recognise feeling nothing 24/7 is not right, but is part of the grieving process? I feel as though I’ve completely shut down and have pushed everyone I loved away. I feel as though I don’t deserve anyone’s love.
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your Grandma and that you have split up with your husband. Grief is a very individual thing and it affects everyone differently. It doesn’t always mean crying, and some people do feel numb.
However, if this has got to the point of affecting your relationships and that your marriage has ended, then it sounds like you could really benefit from some support. I’m not a medical professional, so I can’t say for sure whether you have depression, but it is certainly a possibility. There is evidence that not being able to talk about your loss can make the grieving process worse, as emotions can get bottled up. Perhaps, if you can’t talk to your family, you might benefit from some counselling, where you could talk to a neutral person and start to process the trauma you have experienced?
Your GP is a good first port of call if you would like to be referred to counselling. Or, you can contact the Mind Information Line on 0300 123 3393 or email@example.com for advice on accessing the right support services for you.
I’m glad that you’ve found this site, as some people do find it helpful to have this as a safe space to write about their feelings. We have lots of users here who have been through bereavement and been affected in lots of different ways.
I have found some posts from other users that I thought you might be able to relate to. They are older posts, but you might find it helpful to read them and see that you aren’t alone in these feelings. If you do wish to reply to them, the posters should get an email notification, so they may come back and respond.
Paul was having difficulty grieving after losing his mum. He got a lot of support from other users and, later in the conversation, he came back and updated about how he had been able to move forward with the grieving process: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/difficulty-grieving
Candy1960 posted that her marriage was falling to pieces after she lost her parents: https://support.sueryder.org/community/life-after-bereavement/lost-both-my-parents-due-car-crash#post-2996
i hope you are having a better day today, if not have faith that there is always sunshine after rain, laughter after tears and joy after sadness - this may sound very cliche and would make most people roll their eyes but it is the way life goes.
from how you are talking about pushing people away, not being to talk about your loss, not deserving anyone’s love suggest that you are in a very “dark place” right now but considering you have written that post it suggests you are ready to come out of that dark place and that’s a step in the right direction…
i sincerely urge you to read what Priscilla replied to you and perhaps approach your GP for some advice and be open minded about considering seeking professional help.
there are million and one ways to deal with grief and depression so i’m certain you will find something suitable and effective to help you get through this very difficult phase in your life - key word here is phase.
our lives are made up of numerous phases and it only serves to add to our personality, strength and wisdom. some phases are painful and cause a lot of damage but you will survive this.
it will take a lot of trial and error, it will take some time, a lot of testing times, a lot of tears and frustration but you will get through this
i wish you luck and happiness and please have a look at the link below
I’m really sorry to hear about your grandmother. A grandparent relationship is like no other, they are so special.
I recently lost my grandfather and I am also really struggling with grieving. I don’t understand the grieving process and what is normal to be feeling.
I am happy to have a chat if you feel like it. We might find we are having similar difficulties.
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think feeling numb is a normal part of grieving. There are many stages to grief and that’s one of them. Have you talked to your doctor? Maybe they could offer some
Counselling where you could
I found talking about my loved ones helped me.
I bet your lovely nanny was always happiest when you were happy. She would
Want you to carry on with your life. Xxx