Numb, lost and sad

So I found myself on this chat, as am struggling my husband was 52 and passed away 11 days ago he had a 3 year battle with bowel cancer, appointment after appointment chemo after chemo surgery, MRSA COVID SEPIS u name it my husband battled it, I was struggling with him at home as the hospital sent him home with no more options to treat him, the hospice got involved and he went in day after, I guess I never really processed the hospice, he will not be coming out just didn’t sink in? 7 days later he passed in my arms pain free and peacefully well actually absolutely whacked on medication-
So no am numb lost dazed and confused, I’ve lost my purpose my sense of being, my entire existence was to take care of the house my job and mainly my husband all that has gone and am fighting the pain every single minute of the day, the house has never been so tidy the dog can’t possibly be walked any more, I’ve sorted out my wardrobe now what??? How do I fill my days? How do I be me? If one more person asks me if am alright am gonna poke them straight in there eye! No am
Not alright I’ve lost my husband -
Grief is Shitty and no one can tell you how what or even why? I know am fighting my own battle, but I feel like am
Losing myself my confidence my personality I’ve lost a huge part of what made me ME ‘ not sure what am asking for or need but this helps


Hi, so very sorry for your devastating loss. Try to just let the grief come and take it hour by hour, day by day. I wouldn’t overthink the future as you’re still processing the shock of your husband’s loss. In the early days everything is all over the place emotionally but it sounds like you’re keeping busy in some kind of routine, which is a good thing. Be kind to yourself though, do whatever feels right to get through these early weeks. Be with people or be on your own, whatever feels okay at the time. Sending you strength and best wishes xx

I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m currently caring for my husband with cancer so I know how much time that takes up. It’s still very early days so just try and get through the day at this stage. Later on, you will be able to fill your time. If not working, volunteering can be so beneficial for your own sense of purpose. Xxx

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