Numb

Losing a child
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My darling girl, 27, died most likely of Sudden Unexplained Death in Epilepsy, 9 days ago. Whilst I do get upset, I’m mainly numb. I lost my Mum when I’d just turned 20 and I remember being distraught. I just don’t seem to be able to feel any more - is this normal?

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Hello @HannahsMum,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter and your mum. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support. In the meantime, you may wish to look at these Sue Ryder resources which might be helpful.

You might also want to look at The Compassionate Friends, supports families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

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Hi Hannahs Mum,

Sorry to hear of your loss of Hannah, please accept my most heartfelt sympathies.
It is normal to feel numb after a shock like this, eventually shock starts to ease and you may go through many differing emotions from one moment to the next.

Shock can be like a protective bubble, just allow yourself to be as you are, there’s no need to judge your emotions. The utter disbelief can take a while to fade, be gentle with yourself and take good care, sending much much love to you.

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Im so sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. My son James died 4 months ago through SUDEP age 31.
I struggle daily to understand my life without him whilst battling the pain and anger which never leave me.
Please dont dismiss how you are feeling, its your way of coping.
Be kind to yourself, you are not alone.
Sending my love to you :heart: x

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Thank you Laura and my sympathies to you as well. Losing your child is particularly cruel - the epilepsy had been bad enough. We always knew she was high risk, uncontrolled, drug resistant, 12 when diagnosed and numerous seizures, but you hope and hope she will be one of the lucky ones. We have the funeral next week. It’s the after I dread, my life without her in it - it’s overwhelming.

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James was on diagnosed 11 months ago, so no time to deal with it.
Ive crashed after the funeral. Ill be thinking of you. Please stay in touch xx

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Hi @HannahsMum, im so sorry for the loss of your daughter, i can’t imagine how awful that must be. All i know is that when my mum died suddenly and unexpectedly, i went numb and into shock, like a ptsd. Like others have said, i believe it’s your brains way of protecting you from the horrific reality of the situation. Its very early days so just let it be how it is for now. Sending you hugs

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I am so sorry to hear about your tragic loss. When my son died unexpectedly at the end of November, my husband and I and our daughter just sat and stared into space for 4 days. We couldn’t cry properly as we were so shocked and numb. It is only now in the last couple of weeks that the tears have really started to flow. You shouldn’t feel guilty that you can’t cry. You are still grieving deeply.

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Thank you for taking the time to respond when you are dealing with your own grief too.
It seems to be one day at a time currently but it’s so hard isn’t it? Everything seems insignificant and unimportant in comparison. I have to go back to work at the end of the week - on the one hand I think maybe focus will be good but on the other hand I want time to slow up.

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