Numbness

I list my husband 13 days ago and I thought I was doing quite well until I went to see him for the last time
I felt I had been hit by a steam roller
I just can’t think of a future without him

Hi Briju

I’m so sorry you have lost your dear husband. The loss is so recent that you will still be in shock. All of us who have lost our husbands know exactly how you feel. All you can do at this stage is to take one day at a time, eat, sleep and cry when you want to. Take your time to heal. My husband died unexpectedly in October and I still can’t think beyond today. Grief comes in waves, just when you think you are coping some little thing knocks you off track and you end up in tears again. Just be kind to yourself and keep posting on here how you feel - someone is always ready to listen.

Sending you a warm hug

Yvonne

Dear Briju,
I lost my dear Chrissie 2 months ago so know what you are going through. There is no easy way or smart answers. We just have to grieve.
Yes I know the feeling. Chrissie and I were together for over 50yr and did everything together so the loss is devastating. I am not going to say it gets easier as it has not for me, but you learn how to manage and go day by day.
My thoughts and prayer are with you.
Best wishes,
Blizzard

So sorry for your loss and sending you much love. It’s a nightmare we find ourselves in but one from which we won’t wake.

You will find help and support on this site. Keep posting, nothing is too silly or sad. We will try our best to help. Take care of yourself and take it just a day at a time. It’s a cliche but it’s is also true. x

Ditto Vonnie. She has put it better than I.

Hi Briju, Scorpio is right. I lost my wife of 45 years in October last year and I still have tears and bad days. You’ll have a complex mix of emotions, days when you think you’re Ok, days of tears and days when everything comes crashing down again. You’ll have physical symptoms as well. Chest pains, throat and face.
It will become easier to cope, it doesn’t get better.
We have lost our partners and all our future plans and life has taken a dramatic turn for us but we will get through it. We owe that to our partners.
Eat and sleep the best you can. I needed half a bottle of wine every night at first to be able to sleep. Call your doctor if you think you need to, they’re used to ‘us’ now.
My daughter and her partner moved in with me for the first 3 months, cooking, cleaning and keeping me company and just carrying on when the tears flowed. That really helped.
You don’t need to make any decisions about your future right now so don’t worry about the garden overgrowing or anything. Just live day to day at the moment.
Big hugs
H

Hmm. I seem to be the only one that has a different view. I lost my beloved wife, albeit of only 7 years, 5 weeks ago. We were inseparable. We bounced off each other and made every day ( where we could) a fun day. I felt privileged every single day and the void that was left was immense. I now think that I am the fortunate one that has been left behind ( out of the two of us) and so need to make something of my life for both of us, so that she didn’t lose her life for nothing. I am hoping for her guidance in all things to make the best of opportunities. Today I ventured on to a dating site. Why be lonely? I am not trying to replace my wife by any means or looking for a comparison. I am simply looking to share some more hopefully happy memories with someone else, so life isn’t all about feeling gloomy and sad. You can still be those, of course, at times and even share the feelings with someone else. My wife would have wanted me to be positive and flourish, on her behalf.
However, I do recognise that everyone is different, but if all you hear is that the pain and hurt will never go away, then that is all you’ll know.
Best Wishes x

Hello Winchcombe 1

It’s very interesting to read your point of view. As you say it’s different to most and I can quite understand why you feel that way.

Just as we were starting our retirement my lifelong partner died suddenly and all our plans for the future went with him. I’m so sad he lost his life when we were both looking forward to some lovely years together.

I feel I’m the unfortunate one to have been left behind - I wouldn’t wish the suffering I’m going through now on him anyone else.

You’re very positive and brave to be getting on with your life and I wish you all the best in finding happier times ahead.

best wishes J x

Hi Briju .im so sorry for your loss.u will be in sock likewe all are .then reality kicks in then that wen the heartache kicks in .im glad I cameon here and listen to others speak about there loss .im starting councelling to help me it’s 11 weeks now my Ronny’s been gone and it seems like yesterday .were all here to help each other x sylvia

Thank you for all the reply’s, It was his funeral on Friday, and what a wonderful amount of people came to say goodbye. I am now back trying to keep the business going for our sons sake, but I feel I am in a bubble and not really here. Today I have an appointment at the bank to have his name taken of the account and I feel like a traitor,

I looked at his photo yesterday and got quite angry as he should be here, I am very bitter as he died of an asbestos related decease which was avoidable as the government were aware of the dangers but not made it public

It’s awful briju I was sad wth my self last nite .you will get angry .you go through all the motions love x

Hi Briju, you don’t have to remove his name. It’s just an account name. I kept my wife’s name on our account.
Take care
H

1 Like

Dear Briju, I am so terribly sorry for what you are going through and will be going through for a long time to come. We never, ever stop grieving for our loved ones, but we carry on living, if that is what you can call it, I call it existing.

My wonderful husband of 47 years, died 3 years and 9 months ago and I still cry for him, I cry for our lost future together, I cry for the young people we used to be that were so much in love, who grew old together and still loved each other. When I watched the Royal wedding and they said their vows, until ‘death us do part’, I disagree with those vows, because even in death I still love my husband and death has not changed that, in my heart and mind, we are still husband and wife. He was my whole life and I his and until we meet again I will get up each morning, do what needs doing until the time comes that we are together again.

There is nothing I can say that will make things any better because you are only starting out on your nightmare journey and I found that as the years came and went things have not improved for me because I cannot get it through my head that this is my life now and I have to live it without the man I have loved since he was a young boy of 18 when he walked up to me and asked me to dance in 1964, it was love at first sight.

All I can say is take it one day at a time and put one foot in front of the other because there is nothing else you can do.

Sending you lots of love.

Sheila xx

Dear Lonely

Brian and I met when I was sixteen and he was eighteen and married two years later, so we grew up together. We also started a business together so we worked and lived together for nearly 48 years

As you say its a night when I shut the door and I m alone, I look at his picture and ask why he is not here.

I also do not like being called a widow I am still his wife and always will be.As you say I still Love him he was my big hero looking after me many times when I was ill. I am also fed up with being told you are so strong, I am not I break down every night

I go through the motions and even try to work in the office as our son is part of the company and he cannot do it all on his own
Thank you again for your words

June xx

Dear June, I totally agree, we are still the wives of our beloved husbands and nothing on this earth will ever change that. It still hurts me to tick the widow box when filling in forms because I am married, I always will be married, I wear my wedding ring, engagement and eternity ring and will do until they are removed and given to our sons on the day I die. I wear my husband’s wedding ring, I had it made smaller and engraved with our initials. He never, ever removed his ring until the day of his funeral when the funeral director handed it to me in a blue velvet pouch and I have worn it ever since.

It is the heartache that is the worst, the constant ache and emptiness no matter how many years have gone by since he died and what is killing me is that he is going further and further into the past and I am terrified I will stop remembering what he looks like unless I look at his photo. At the moment, I can close my eyes and see him as clear as anything but one day I am afraid I won’t.

I feel so terribly sorry for you and all the other people just starting out on their grieving journey because I would not wish it on anyone, it is absolutely heart wrenching.

Love

Sheila xx