It is 9 weeks since he died and 12 weeks since he went into hospital. Not many jobs have been done during this time and the house and garden are beginning to look unloved and uncared for. We both love(d) our house, and gardening was our hobby. I did manage some garden jobs yesterday and had noticed that the conservatory needed jet washing.
So, I decided to do it. Of course it stands on paving slabs which were also green and mossy. I aimed the jet at the slabs and, in my best joined-up writing, I wrote the rudest words you can think of, because I was feeling angry. By this time I was soaking wet, and decided too late that I should be wearing wellies. I ran upstairs to get them and saw out of the bedroom window all my artwork. It was so………visible and obvious! I was embarrassed and worried about anyone else seeing it, so I had to obliterate it by jet washing the whole thing. That made the patio look even worse by comparison, so I did that too. Then I had to do the driveway.
I spent the whole sodding day out there. My hands have blisters, my shoulders ache, God knows what my water bill is going to look like, but I feel better than I have for a while.
Maybe it was the fresh air and sunshine, or perhaps obscenities are therapeutic.
Bugger counselling, go and try jet washing, it’s better than swearing at the next well-meaning person that says something daft!
My best one so far is “God must have needed him even more than you do”. Oh, I wish I had been armed with my jet washer when she said that…………
Xx
Despite the terrible sadness and grief you made a decision to get some cleaning done …. and ended up letting out all that anger. You worked really hard to make your garden look better but with the work came the emotions. The fact that you feel better for it shows you really need to vent your emotions in a safe way
Oh @Willow112 I loved that. What a great way to release all those pent up feelings. I do hope you felt better afterwards.
I do understand that as you both liked gardening as we used to do it can be upsetting been in the garden.
I even cut the lawn when it does not really need it to get out of the house and in to the fresh air it makes me sad to think she can not enjoy the garden any longer but happy to make our special place nice
My best one was from a couple I know quite well; I was giving them a lift recently, when the husband says, quite out of the blue, ‘I know exactly what you’re going through, as our old dog had to be put to sleep last week.’
People just haven’t got a clue. Let’s hope they never have to learn what it’s like.
Xx
I think that sometimes people say things that sound stupid, are stupid and crass because they don’t know what to say.
Better say nothing than something stupid, they do not know how we all feel during this dark time at grieving.
The reality for me is I feel like sh1t all the time just like most of us