I don’t know where to begin. I can only tell you I lost my beloved partner of 16 years suddenly - Brian went into hospital for a heart operation that was meant to make him better and he never came out - he died on the 6 th May having only been sick for less than 4 weeks. At the same time my mother, for whom I had been a carer for many years, died 9 days before. I have been reading all the posts on here and getting some sense of connection - but I am so blank and numb and this week end having survived the two funerals and repeatedly told how brave I am - I am completely shattered - I have some lovely people around me but no one can understand how I feel and I am so worried because I have started to drink far more than I would usually but it’s the only way I can get through the evenings - please don’t judge,
Dear Jaydel
You can be assured no one judges anyone on this site. We have all lost someone and therefore can have some understanding of the different feelings and emotions that each of us are going through.
You have suffered so many losses in such a short time and will still be in shock. Please take on board all the offers of support that hopefully are available to you at this time. There will be much to sort out and sometimes it is overwhelming especially if you try to do it all yourself.
Take one day at a time.
Many thanks Sheila,
I do feel slight mad at the moment. This weekend I have spent more time crying than probably in the rest of my life. At the same time when I met up with my daughter this morning I behaved like everything was fine - I feel complete schizophrenic - like two people at the same time - my grieving self that I don’t want to share with anyone - and my external self where I put on brave face. And my poor dog! He was besotted with Brian and seems to be in grief - he was ok - ish at first but it seems like he has suddenly realised Brian is not coming back and is not eating and sleeping more than usual.
Grief takes many forms and the emotions are a complete rollercoaster. You are probably trying to protect your daughter - I have two adult kids and I try not to show my real feelings in front of them. I have ran around the small bungalow shared with husband and shouted, screamed and ranted before collapsing in a heap on frequent occasions. I think the shock also affects our behaviour around others - as I spoke to people telling them my husband had been filled in a road traffic accident my head was keep saying this is not happening, this is not real what are you saying.
I lost my beloved dog two years ago but I know he picked up on my emotions, especially my grief following the death of my dad. My dad used to walk him when I was at work so he was quite attached. He also looked for him after he died and sometimes got excited if he spotted someone who resembled him. Give your dog as much support as you can and as you know he will give you love (and support) in return.
Please try to take care, it is a tough journey we find ourselves on.
Dear Jaydel,
I know how you feel, words are not enough and to say that this situation feels like complete devastation is an understatement. Your emotions are on high alert and it would be so easy to turn to alcohol. My husband died 7 weeks ago and I’m totally bereft. A glass or two of wine helped. Then I realised that’s a slippery slope, so I had a word with my GP and he gave me some tablets to help me sleep. Just a short course. No dependence. So, that would be a good place to start. The overwhelming emptiness is so hard to cope with but you’re not on your own. I’m tired of hearing how brave and strong I am because I’m not. But we have to get through hour by hour, day by day and we will. We’ve got each other on here and we’re all going through terrible losses. Not something we would have chosen. Keep going . Xx
Dear Nurse1,
I can identify with your words. My lovely partner died unexpectedly just over 6 weeks ago. At first, although numb and sad, I thought I was doing ok but this weekend has been a disaster. I can barely get out of bed and I can’t stop crying. I keep trying to distract myself and arranging to meet up with friends and family but it all feels so pointless. I do have some sleeping tablets that the doctor prescribed early on but I’ve been reluctant to take them - but you’re right that is probably better than the alcohol. To make matters worse my dog seems to be mirroring my behaviour - sleeping all the time and not eating - I’ve just made an appointment to take him to the vet though I’m sure it’s a form of grief. I suppose I just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other but the future looks bleak!
I totally understand. I said those very words today ‘the future looks bleak’ because at the minute it does. I can’t imagine going on without him BUT I have to remind myself that my hubby tried his hardest to stay with me, so hard. He knew it was terminal and a battle he couldn’t win but he put up with everything that was throw at him. To give us more time together. It wasn’t his choice not to live but I have a choice TO live and I feel I owe it to him and my children to carry on. I believe he will come for me when it’s my time, when my work here is done. So, I have to carry on. I don’t want to and with every beat of my heart I wish he was still here with me. I feel cheated out of our retirement plans, mourn the life we had, I’ve been angry, sad, bitter, lonely, feel isolated etc. I am fortunate that I have lots of friends to do things with….but it’s that one person I want to do nothing with, that I want the most. So, I have to keep going. It’s early days for us yet and we just need to get through the next hour, the next morning, the next fate and eventually the next day. Hard as it seems, we will. It will take a tremendous effort, just to get up in the morning but we need to, no matter how pointless it seems. Keep going my friend x
That makes a lot of sense - thank you, it’s what I needed to read at the moment.