Oh what a dreadful Day

3 months down the line since I lost my Wonderful, Beautiful, Drop Dead Gorgeous Wife, and its seems as though its getting harder, I did have one day last week were I felt it was just a little bit better, but since then the pain, grief, anxiety, call it whatever you like, as come back, and today its come back even worse like it was yesterday, I have been trying to do the garden as the weather is nice, and I have to keep stopping to come inside and have a good cry, as all I keep seeing is Hilary helping me, and us chatting to each other, even our Cat bought back memories and made me cry as she comes out in the sunshine rolling on her back and Hilary would start ticking and rubbing her belly for her, i even turned the water feature on and turned it off again as it just made the pain in the gut of my stomach feel a lot worse, also by now on a day like today I would have got the cushions out for the chairs and Hilary would be relaxing in the chairs doing her Knitting and more importantly she would be waiting on me to bring her a glass of her favourite wine out, what I would give to be able to do this again, now Spring is here its not just the house that’s feels empty, its the garden as well, the way I feel today I am dreading summer coming round for these same reasons.,i am wishing the day away so bedtime will come round quicker, then I cant sleep,you cant seem to win can you. Thanks for the rant, great site ,Take Care everyone xx


So sorry you’re having a bad time. Sounds much the same as I’m going through. I live in a small flat and don’t drive as I have health conditions but everything I look at or do is a constant reminder. I cry all the time and have this knot in my stomach all the time. I feel so isolated and lost. Even going for a little walk to the boating lake nearby has me in tears as we used to walk there and feed the ducks. Life had no meaning any more.

I’ve been tidying the garden today too and understand exactly what you mean. We spent many hours sitting in the garden just chatting or just sitting quietly. Our cat also used to love being out with us. It’s so upsetting to think it will just be me now. It’s good the summer is coming but it brings many memories with it.
Hope you have a better day tomorrow xx

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I cut the grass for the first time today since my husband died. It felt so wrong working on the garden without him and seeing bulbs he planted flower. I am selling our house and moving somewhere new as it is impossible to do anything in our home without sad memories. Even drinking wine alone is not the same. Hope you find some comfort.

Just 3 weeks before my darling wife passed away suddenly in December last year, we had our old dilapidated conservatory demolished and a new one erected. Leaving me to finish it off, plaster walls, insulating walls, painting, flooring etc. over the winter. She was so thrilled with it and had already chosen flooring, furniture etc. After her passing l had no enthusiasm to do the work until recently when l needed to get on and do it in her memory. I get so emotional that she is not here to enjoy something she was so looking forward to using. I am gradually completing the work in her memory but at the moment l have no desire to use the conservatory for its intended purpose. Sitting out there alone is not the same.