You’ll probably find it a bit of a blur. I found I cried so much beforehand that I did hold it together for the funeral. I felt I had to for my daughter, son and grandchildren. It will be one of the worst days of your life……but you will get through it. xx
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I understand exactly how you feel, my wife had an underlying illness and by the time the cancer was discovered it was to late. She had 2 chemo sessions but then stopped.I am sure these chemo sessions were for me and I feel so guilty about this as they made her so sick.
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In a daze 
just be yourself. You dont have to put up an act for anybody. I saw it as me and my husbands day and a chance to say goodbye to him xxxx
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I amazed myself. It was a beautiful day and he would have been thrilled that so many people came. It was a trubute to the wonderful man he was. I was dreading it but I was happy it went well and he had the final journey ne deserved
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Go with how you feel. I don’t think I would have got through it except my wonderful niece made sure she sat next to me and held my hand throughout. My one comfort was he would have loved it. Taken to the crematorium in a jaguar hearse. Masonic symbol on his coffin, brothers in arms on way in. My brother reading a poem that he had composed. All things bright and beautiful as a hymn and his brother giving the eulogy. Then albatross as the recessional. We discussed it as soon as we were told he had days to live. He would have loved the number who attended and more watched on line. If you feel like crying just cry. I did.
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Have to agree, it was the service I found difficult, the music especially, But thanking everyone afterwards was incredibly special, and the wake was as she would have wanted. Friends. Family, food, music. It’s was a very beautiful point.
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I really hope this isn’t too much but there are things that I can’t share with my family or even close friends. When my husband first died I used to cuddle his dressing gown because it still smelt of him, now that’s faded and I feel he’s moving further and further away from me. Although it’s still hanging behind the bedroom door.
He bought me the same perfume throughout the 57 years we were together but now I can’t even open the bottle and haven’t worn it for the past 11 months.
I was with him when he died, holding his hand and telling him I loved him until he was gone and I’m struggling to get those images out of my mind.
As I have already said, I’m standing in the rubble of my life and can’t imagine anything can fill the void.
Please don’t feel you have to respond to any of this. Just felt I couldn’t keep it in any longer.
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I think this forum is really good because you can say how it really is without anyone judging you. No one but the bereaved know how it feels to be going through this grief. It’s really tough, keep strong x
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Whats wrong with that ? I did same ! And yeh you can still smell their odour 
its so comforting isnt it. Xxx
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@Margaret266 We have to do what’s right for us to get through each day. I wear my husbands dressing gown, it makes me feel close to him. J x
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So do i … everyday xx
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Thank you everyone. Nice to know I’m not weird or crazy. xx
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I lost my lovely husband 15 months ago after being married for 54 years and knowing him for 2 years beforehand. i am still just utterly heartbroken and something died in me when he died and I know i will never ever get over the loss of him. i moved house recently to be a bit closer to my family; only 6 miles but in my turmoil I agreed to move…easier for them! This has worsened my grief as although I like the house the area isn’t as nice and i miss my old neighbours and the lovely parks where i walked my dog. But Iv’e made the choice even though it was too soon and one day i may feel a bit better but the grief is so horribly overwhelming. My thoughts go out to you.
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Bless you @Margaret266 not weird or crazy.
My grandaughters sat with my husband in his final days and raided his wardrobe. They often turn up wearing one of his fleeces. He would be smiling at that.
I dont think anything can fill the void but we were blesssd having our partners for so long.
I hold on to the thougt i was lucky to have someone who loved me and was always there for me through good times and bad
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My sentiment too, no I’m not ok but will say ok just so people feel better!!
Broken in two I echo that where is that vital half of me now, be strong that is the only way, so sad x
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@Margaret266 I too was with my husband when he passed. His last week was traumatic, he was very agitated and it was impossible to tell why. He was more and more sedated as the week went on. It’s incredibly sad and difficult to live with these memories. I just hope he wasn’t in pain and knew I was there and how loved he was. I will never know but try to reassure myself I tried my best and I hope it was enough. I understand how difficult it is to share your feelings with friends and family but people on here totally understand. Take care.
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Im 11 weeks in and i cant imagine having been with my husband for 48 years that i will ever move on. Yes I can deal with 99% of stuff but its like my safety blanket has gone. He always made me feel safe. The loss of a parent or grandparent is totally different.
This is a bloody awful club to be in but as ive said before this site is a great place to rant
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Your sentiments and emotions are so very similar to my own. We can only,take one step at a time and reach out wherever help is offered. The NHS for instance offered me grief counselling on the phone. I’ve found it a good start. Force yourself to take a walk every day and try to speak to someone whenever possible. Feeling for you xx
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I feel the same way. I lost my husband of 47 years and it’s just awful. I just want to join him. The pain of this grief is unbearable. Take care. Laraine. X
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