Ann 18. I am 81 and lost my husband 2 years ago and feel dreadful every day. Much as I try to be ok…I’m not! We were married for 54 years and together engaged for 56 altogether. Everyone I know still have their husbands and even my own two sons and their wives etc feel I should be better than what I am so when I see them I become an actress and pretend. All the lovely memories hurt so much and remembering our meeting and our youth and early years of marriage seem to dominate my thoughts and I feel broken.
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Awww. I remember seeing, knowing many an “elderly” widow along life’s way- they all seemed so bright and never spoke about grief.
Perhaps they were trained not to speak of their emotions?
I am surrounding myself with different things to do. Things that used to be easy, like knitting a fair isle hat. I have undone that 3 times aheady
I am an art school trained artist have a canvas up on the easel. But rarely add anything to it
But- I do not lose hope
I now go to a church nearby. Have met women whose husbands have died at varying number of years ago. They have survived. - it is good to be in company of so many. Some are a lot younger - life is still sweet - for the sake of the one who loved us ( and does still?) it’s worth looking after ourselves
I think I miss laughing together most of all
But so many amazing memories. Of just being around for each other
No easy answers but I am blessed with Christian faith that I had before my husband. And that has not left me
I so hope that you find something that still charms you
Sorry my mind is not very clear this evening. A bit like the weather. Perhaps the sun will come out soon
X Ann
@Patience1 I am of the old school, you get on with it same as our parents etc did. I dont bother with all the councelling stuff that people dont seem to be able to survive without nowadays. talked to by people who havent even had a life yet, have read what they know out of a book and then tell us what we should do and shouldnt do. people of the old school, men and women survive, we always have.
do your painting, enjoy your groups and your faith.
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I think if something, anything is helpful then it’s worth a try. For myself, my inclinations are with Sue. Admittedly I have not tried counselling for grief. It was forced on us when our daughter was diagnosed many years ago. I didn’t find it helpful because it just seemed to churn up all the fears and sadness that were beginning to settle in my brain. And I left the room just wanting to slap the therapist.
We are all different, there is no universal manual for bereavement. It depends on personality, circumstances, culture and upbringing and many other things.
At the time, compared to my childhood friends, I thought I didn’t get much sympathy when I wanted it. Whenever I grumbled about anything the answer was always “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, put up with it”. It seemed harsh at the time.
Not everyone’s way, I know, but it kind of helps me now sometimes.
However, as I said at the start. If something helps, go for it. I know I would.
Hugs xx
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