Literally that, I am in the middle of an email to someone and next thing I’m kissing his dead body moments after he died in an A&E department. I am so sure he tried to open his eyes when he heard my voice he wasn’t long gone I’m so sure he heard me I thought I could bring him back, I couldn’t believe how quickly the body turns to ice once the heart stops beating. Then my children went in and I sat next door hearing their cries of anguish. It was Christmas Eve we had to back to the house we had left the previous evening the Christmas tree lights were on, the food he had cooked was cold on the hob. And I’m trying to write an email.
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Hi @Juniper19
He will definitely have heard you and your love would have helped him pass over 
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@Juniper19 I lost my wife 6 weeks ago after I found her collapsed on the floor after coming home from work. She had come back from Tesco and was putting the shopping away. I tried to save her but she was already gone and from that point my world fell apart. I go to work with a mask of normality but occasionally it slips and grief overwhelms me. I relive the moment over and over along with the guilt of not being there for her.
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It’s a nightmare we will never wake up from at these early stages of the grief. So many mixed emotions from anger, frustration and missing them so much. All the dreams taken away. Life is very cruel ! So sorry to you all on here. Only time will help us heal and learn to live with this grief 
x
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@Juniper19 Sending hugs , I know how you feel. My partner died in December, I found him sitting on the sofa. He was only 54 and had not been ill. I’d spoken to him on the phone only a few hours before. Such painful memories are with me daily. I returned to work 4 weeks ago as was no way ready before that, but I stand there sometimes at work and think what the hell am I doing here. Nothing feels right anymore. X
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My David had an episode on Christmas Eve 2023, I gave him CPR while my daughter called 911, David was already in the beginning stages of tests for open heart surgery. He was talking, he was admitted, it was news years eve I received a call he had passed away. I was up at the hospital everyday, first couple I slept next to him in a chair we talked, we were together 24 years. Miss him so much
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@KellyDora so sad - I am convinced the hospital messed up and of course this adds to the feelings of despair. I just can’t get my head around the fact I’m never going to see him again we didn’t even say goodbye, he walked into the ambulance and I was meant to go and pick him up after some blood tests. Awful.
It’s so sad what your youre going through. Everyone has a story to tell on here about the day they lost their loved one. Its hard enough all the grief without added what ifs ? Life is so cruel and it makes no sense. Hugs to you all x
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