One month later

I miss my mum so much.

There are no other words.

4 Likes

Nina, we all feel for you, the pain is something that we don’t expect and the feeling of total loss is hard. Look after yourself. Sending love and blessings for everyone on this community. S xx

1 Like

Thank you for your response Susie123. I hope you are doing well too xx

Take care Nina just at present you are very vulnerable to everything and everyone. S xx

Hi Nina

It’s been 4 weeks since my Mum passed and I am finding it harder now than ever before. I feel like everyone just assumes you are OK just because you are not crying all the time…I do my crying alone. I still message her phone and the fact its showing sent and not read is just so heartbreaking to me. I saw my Mum daily so adjusting to life without that is so difficult :sob: sending you love.

2 Likes

Hi Katie1987, thanks for reaching out. I know what you mean. It’s strange because sometimes I feel guilty for not crying all the time, but the truth is that it still hurts so much. It’s like a piece of me is missing. I’ve kept all my mum’s messages and tried to back everything up. Anything to hold on to how she used to text me and not lose it. It is so painful knowing that they will not us message again. I don’t even know when things will go back to a ‘normal’ because I don’t even know how without my mum.

Sending you hugs. x

Hi Nina

I totally get that and I don’t know if you have these feelings but I’m struggling with guilt about my life carrying on with out her, almost like she may think I have forgotten her. I am going to do the same save the video, messages etc. It something nice to look back on in the future isn’t it. Thanks for replying it’s so nice to talk to someone who understands :heart:

My mum died on 14 March. It was a complete shock and enexpected as she wasn’t unwell.

It will take time. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve. Like you I choose to do my crying in private although sometimes triggers will bring me close.

Hi Nina
I wish I had better advice but sadly nothing can prepare us for the loss of our mums. The sense of loss is enormous and it’s hard to piece together how life now works with that special part of our jigsaw now missing.

But then I think about my mum and her mum. They both survived and went on after losing their mums. In time they learnt to laugh and live without theirs. That was living proof it can be done and I try to draw strength from that.

Sending you my support.
Ryan.

1 Like

Hi Ryan thanks for your reply. I am very sorry to hear about your Mum, it leaves a massive void in our life. I really think this group is helping as you don’t feel so alone.

Hi Katie1987, thanks for replying. I couldn’t agree more. Attempting to move on feels like forgetting, and it almost feels like I’m disappointing her by doing so and feels selfish. You’re right, I think in time looking back at those memories will be nice - I just can’t believe how so much time has already passed without her.

Sending hugs xx

1 Like

Hi Ryan, I’m sorry to hear about your loss.
Thanks for responding. Yes that’s true. When we lost my grandma, my mum always taught me to remember happier times. It’s strange as mum’s teach us so many things, but they don’t prepare us of what happens when they are no longer with us.

Sending hugs x

2 Likes

Hi @Nina 100% trying to do things that you have to do to have a normal life - whether they are mundane chores or nicer activities is not forgetting your Mum at all. Her love for you will always be a part of you.

As great as our losses are we have to try to push forwards. It really is the only way. It’s not disrespectful to our mum’s memories. In fact I honestly believe it is the most respectful thing to do. They gave us life- that was their gift to us - we show thanks for that gift by trying to make the most of it.

Ryan

100%. Our mum’s teach us so much. But most don’t teach us how to handle this…

My mum never really talked about death other than telling us that everyone has to die.

The loss of our mum’s is the first significant life event we have to handle without them being here to support. Whilst it’s incredibly hard it is also an opportunity to seize onto happier memories and all that they did teach us about life and coping and apply it to this. Like everyone else walking this miserable path of grief and sadness I have some really bad days but I keep doing my best to push on remembering it truly would be what she wanted and what she’d tell me to do if she could.

Ryan x

1 Like

@Ryan82 you have a wonderful way of wording things that really help. Past few days have been very dark for me constant crying, feeling sad. I have woke up this morning not too bad, maybe it is because I have opened up to my loved ones how low i have been feeling. I return to work next week and I am actually ready for the distraction, to focus my mind on something else. I get the guilt feeling also of life returning as it was but we have no other choice. I cannot even think about a future without her so for now I am going to concentrate on the present.

I also find Mindfulness helps alot for me.

Hi @Katie1987 - thanks a lot. I really didn’t want to return to work but I made myself do it because I thought it would probably help. I definitely didn’t “feel” it in the early days but it did help ground my day and give me structure which did benefit me although everyone is different.

Guilt and grief seem to go hand in hand. Whether we want to bully ourselves for all those times we could’ve been better kids for our mum’s- let’s face it none of us are perfect no one is, or just for doing normal stuff that our brains tell us we must do whilst our hearts are still broken.

Last Friday I really wanted to “laugh” or watch comedy or something like that and I felt guilty. Then I remembered mum had shown me a really funny YouTube video a little while ago. She found it funny. Watching it again felt like we were sharing a laugh together and I realised that in spite of those days when we struggle more we have to push on.

1 Like

Hi @Ryan82

I know you’re right and it’s true. They would want us to remember happier times rather the sadness now, but it’s still so difficult. I guess in time it will become easier. Thanks for responding x

1 Like

I lost my Mum on 18 March. I feel the same. It feels like it keeps getting worse

Hello Sarah

Very sorry for your loss, I am finding this support group is helping just knowing we are not alone in this journey through grief. Sending love x

1 Like

Hi @Sarah777

I’m sorry for your loss and understand how it feels. I think like @Katie1987 said, being on here has helped. It’s upsetting that we are all going through the same thing but at least we have this platform to express our pain. x

2 Likes

I lost mine the 30th march, only cremated a couple of days ago. I get what you mean, everything youve just said its me; when i was organising the funeral i had something to keep me busy, now its over its harder than ever. If you ever need an ear il listen.