One month today

I thought I was doing so well. I even felt guilty for not crying as much as I thought I would. Today, one month after he died, with the funeral over and most of the admin done and I am crushed. I have been howling most of the day. There is a huge hole in my life that will never heal, never be filled. I had no idea grief could hurt this much physically. My head aches, my jaw aches, my stomach has a huge knot in it. My limbs feel heavy and I am finding doing anything other than sit in front of the TV impossible.


This sounds exactly like me at your stage. You don’t realise you can howl and how raw the pain can be. I howled so loud that people passing outside went to neighbours to say someone was in distress. My family were staying with the neighbour who had offered them a room so they came over. After 10 weeks I no longer cry every day but it still hurts and sometimes it washes over you. Just take 1 day at a time and go with your feelings. If you want to cry or howl do so. Hopefully you will sleep. I haven’t been able to so far. Take all the help you are offered. Now is not a time for pride. Love and hugs xx. Sandra

1 Like

@Louise1951 it really can be terrifying when t comes full force, swept in and carried away. Tumble, and I gasp for air, head comes up then back under again. The hole I know so well, the shape of where they used to be. I thought it would be permanent that I would never know my wife again, but it comes back, I have some how managed to start filling that hole with her. It’s bit by bit and it’s a long hard journey, but I’m getting there, acceptance. The physical aspects of grief are well documented, in the early days I found it useful to look at videos and writing that dealt with various aspects of grief and how they manifest, it doesn’t make it less shit but it convinced me I wasn’t losing my mind, that it was ‘normal’ in the scheme of things. I found it helped to try and be patient with myself, if it helped me through the moment then I would watch TV, go for a walk, do what I needed to do. No rule book, whatever helps, helps.


I totally understand how you are feeling.
It’s almost 6 weeks since my husband died.
The tears just come out of the blue & then I just sob.
The loneliness is horrible & I feel nauseous most mornings & end up retching over the sink.
I’ve got a million things to shift as he liked gadgets & stuff but I mostly can’t be bothered to do it.
I sit on the sofa & just watch some TV that doesn’t require much concentration.
I guess we have to take it hour by hour & just keep going.


I like you have so much to shift but just can’t be bothered. There are hundreds of cd’s and dvd’s. I have the second bedroom now so up you can see the floor and the stuff on the bed is tidy. I can’t reach a lot of the high cupboards that are full of the stuff he used for baking. I have no clue what I am going to do with the 50 coffee filters or 10 tubes of garlic purée. He liked to bulk buy. Every time I see it it sets me off again. I spend a lot of my time still watching brainless tv. I am sure we will both gradually work our way through this when we are ready. Xx . Sandra

1 Like

I’ve put a few things on Facebook marketplace & that’s shifted a few things. At least the people come & collect them & I don’t have to deliver them. There will be someone who wants the coffee filters - I sold a potato ricer yesterday!!
The garage is full to the brim & I opened the door & closed it again! The loft is full & his wardrobe room is full. It’s just so overwhelming & I find myself getting angry with him for leaving me with all that to sort.
Then I feel guilty for being angry!
I hope it gets easier, I really do.
Much love to you x