So I lost my mum last year, even though its still hard, the last couple of weeks have been feeling like maybe I could do this, feeling like maybe I can actually get through this, but today I came crashing back down again. The thought of Christmas without my mum again was just too much. Just couldn’t stop crying. Having a good cry doesn’t even help, or make me feel better after, just makes me feel exhausted .
I used to love Christmas, but now I just want to fast forward to January, for it all to be over.
I mean after a year and a half, is this normal to still be so tearful .
Most of my friends still have there parents, so they don’t really understand how I feel, or how hard it is.
I miss everything about her, but most of all hearing her voice.
Hi Jasmine,
Sorry to hear about your Mum. I too, lost my Mum last year. I’ve experienced the firsts of everything but there’s still some days where the grief comes and I can’t control it and I have a good cry. I could just be sat doing something mundane and a thought crosses my mind and that’s it, I’m sobbing. It’s usually a thought like im never going to hear her voice again or I’m never going to have a photo with her again. I cant say if we are “normal” or not but at least you know that you’re not alone in that respect! I think events like Christmas etc you just need to find a way to make it a nice time again. It won’t be the same but maybe you can put your own touch on Christmas by doing your own traditions so you can still have an enjoyable time.
Don’t wish your life away or you’ll just find that you are missing out on things and life will pass you by. Your Mum wouldn’t want you to not enjoy your life and I know from my experience that I would feel guilty for living my life and having a laugh. It felt wrong BUT we need to just adapt to life without our Mums and that will take time so just be kind to yourself. These moments will probably never completely go x
Hi Mia, sorry that you lost you lost your mum too.
I know that your right, that I shouldn’t wish my life away, I remember how mum always wanted me to enjoy my life, like she had.
Sometimes though its hard to be around other people now.
We have a dog, and that has helped as I have to go out to walk him, and people with other dogs usually smile.
I think Christmas will always be tough, as even though I used to go to mums 3 or 4 times a week, mum always came to me for Christmas day.
I know like you say I have to find a way to make Christmas enjoyable, but in a different way.
I just still feel like a huge part of me is still missing,and I don’t know if the tears will ever stop. But I know I will never stop missing her.
I hope you are OK today xx
I completely understand that it’s hard to be around people and sometimes being surrounded by people can also be the loneliest place to be. I became a bit of a recluse, shut out the world and didn’t want to be around strangers having fun or my friends having fun. It can be easy to fall into darker days. Those days are ok too but as long as it doesn’t consume you. I did have counselling with Sue Ryder in the end and honestly changed my perspective on how to handle my grief. There will always be tough times and days and there will be days that you don’t grieve and days that you are a blubbering mess and that’s OK too!
I feel like when my Mum died I lost a little part of me, I remember my husband saying to me “when you find my wife, let her know I want her back” and that broke me. I needed to change because I was SO angry with the world, myself, my family. I had no filter in the things I said, I didnt care, I was hurt and frustrated and I wanted people to know it so they hurt as much as I did. Of course they didn’t because they hadn’t lost their Mum. You will never stop missing her or grieving her. She’s your Mum. I really hope you find your way and have a lovely Christmas with those who love you and want to support you xx
Thank you Mia, I have been thinking of having counselling too, think it might help. I hope you have a lovely Christmas too, take care x
Hello Jasmine . My mum died 17 months ago and i am still struggling , something i will never get over but hope to live with it ( if that makes sense ). The first Christmas without her was awful but I’m hoping this one will be easier , though it can never be the same . I’m having counselling and also on antidepressants , try anything that might help . Thinking of you , take care.
Love Angie xx
Just give it a go and see you how you go. I was dubious at first but I felt like the counsellor I had was like an old friend by the end of the sessions. She really helped and I was surprised by how much actually came out during the sessions. You always have this platform to speak freely and get some insight if you need it. You look After yourself xx
Hello Angie, am sorry you lost your mum too. I tried antidepressants but they didn’t really help, but will give the counselling a go.
Think I need to as don’t want to feel like this all the time. I know that the pain I feel of mum not being here will always be with me, just need to find a way of living with those feelings, as at the moment just feel like they are engulfing me.
Went into a shop the other day and saw a lady pushing her elderly mum in a wheelchair, like I used too and the pain I felt was overwhelming.
The hardest part I feel is regret, regret that I hadnt spend more time with her, regret I hadn’t told her she was my world. So much pain even now after 17 months.
I hope that eventually it gets easier for you too, take care x