I am 7 months into my journey after losing my beautiful mum, I wanted to share part of my journey and of course we may all do it differently.
What I found was after crying everyday for weeks and weeks, feeling insane and not wanting to be without her, one day I realised in a moment - or rather asked myself - am I perpetuating this awfulness, or rather - what if I am? I decided to consciously think about something else rather than torture myself in that moment. I managed to it a little bit but whenever I started to feel even the slightest bit alright I felt I was leaving my mum even more. But I became more aware of this choice over time of whether to follow the sadness or try and think of something that would make me feel better or not take myself down another seemingly uncontrollable torturous hour/night etc. The result was I had two weeks of feeling good and then …,collapsed into a mess again. I’m on round 2 today of trying not to obsess about mum. I still say out loud every single morning - I miss you mum - I can’t control it. I feel like a sad child at the school gates (I did this for real for many years in reality, I hated being away from her). But actually a couple of mornings ago I changed my first waking moment to … Good morning mum, I love you … it kind of replaces the terror/sadness/longing with love. I know this may be further down the line for some and not right for everyone. I’m just sharing a bit of awareness I found in myself. Of course it sounds good in theory! I’ve just found it sometimes, just sometimes it helps. Hope today you all manage to have some moments of peace, love and positivity.
This is really beautiful - thank you for sharing this with us, @suki2
Hi @suki2 ,
Thank you for sharing, I’m 2 & 1/2 years into my grief journey, I miss my mom very much, & you’re right, in the beginning there is always shock & sadness, & it’s healthy to acknowledge & accept those feelings, & they need an outlet, but there comes a point where we can choose to let the sadness in, or focus on the love we feel for our mom’s, after all, she wouldn’t want us to be sad forever, there will always be things that upset us, & times where we wish mom could be here for support, warm hugs, & special days, but take it one day at a time, & keep moving forward.
Thank you . I love your response. You worded it perfectly. I just can’t imagine where I’ll be in 2.5 yes time. Much better I hope holding my mum with more joy than sadness by then xX
Hi @suki2 & @Pandaprincess I agree… it’s all about trying to reframe how you feel and move forward. Yes, there are bleak times when sorrow seems to seep into everything…but ultimately I know that my Mum would be really unhappy if I spent all my time in sadness. It feels like a work in progress but it’s something to aim for, regaining some joy and zest in life. It’s the best way to honour my Mum’s memory. Best wishes xx
Thank you so much for sharing this, I’ve needed to cry all day, and haven’t until I read this……I think it’s a beautiful idea, very inspiring. I love that you’re going to keep doing this
Well done! The feelings we get during bereavement are only caused by our thoughts. When we manage to control our thoughts, the awful feelings start to disappear. Its not easy, is it, but bit by bit we manage to get there.
Keep going, then look back and be proud of what you’ve achieved.