One week

My big brother was killed in a car crash a week ago. He was 34. I am terrified. How will I go through life without him? How will my parents cope? I am so so scared. I can’t do this without him

Hi vickimowse,

I’m part of the community team here and I’m terribly sorry for the loss of your big brother. It’s completely understandable that you are feeling scared about the future right now. It happened so suddenly, so you must be in a state of shock. Have you spoken to any close friends about what has happened?

I want to let you know about a conversation between Baggiebird62 and Emma, who have also sadly lost their brothers. You might find that it helps to talk to people who are going through the same things as you.

Here is the link:

Take care,


Hi viikimowse,
Sorry if smelt name wrong I’m dyslexic . I’m so so sorry for the loss of your brother and it was only a week ago so things must be so very raw for you and you are also prolly in shock and having a whole whirlwind of emotions going on in your mind . I haven’t lost anyone suddenly but I lost my mum in may this year to cancer and we were peas in a pod lived together I stayed with her lived at the hospice at her bedside 24/7 for 4 weeks she really suffered and it was heartbreaking beyond words to see person you love most in the world deteriote it’s pain beyond words. I am posting to you to say even though lost a loved one in different circumstances I really relate to your feelings of being terrified and how you can go on without your loved one in the world the pain is horrendous a hour can seem like a whole day . I just want you to know you are not alone in these feelings of being so so scared that is how I feel and it’s awful I really do feel for you and my heart goes out to you because feeling so scared is a very lonely vulnerable feeling place to be. I hopeim not making you feel worse I just want you to know you are not alone and you are being thought of . I know we all go through grief in our own way but there are things that in grief you can relate to how you feel if that makes sense? Sorry I’m writing on a very tired brain as I’m not very well and tired and like you really struggling with the loss of my mum everyday I wounded how I’m going to get through it. Do you have close family friends? I hope you do and getting help and supporting each other. If you ever wana chat then I’m here for you . Sending you a virtual hug xxTray x

Hello vickimose
I too am so sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your brother. I hope you will find support on this on-line community. Other people who have suffered loss are so often able to understand the emotions you are going through even if their loss is different. Being able to express how you are feeling is brave and often very helpful. Do you have friends who can support you during this time?

Yes I have good friends. It was the funeral today and part of me still can’t believe it’s happened. I’m so tired and emotional. And so scared of tomorrow. Everyone is going back to work except me and mum x

Being so tired and emotional is absolutely normal. You have suffered the loss of a very significant person and so to stay away from work at this time is completely understandable. You must allow yourself time to come to terms with what has happened and time to allow your emotions to settle. You will know when you are ready to return. You say you are scared of tomorrow, I can understand this. When I suffered a significant loss I found it helpful to focus on the day I was in, this was all I could do. I hope the funeral went as well as it could and I am pleased you have good friends. We need friends at times like this.