I wonder if anyone else has the same thoughts about being with their loved ones. It’s been nearly a year since I lost my darling wife and it is not getting any better. I count down the days until I will see her again in the next life saying to myself one day nearer.
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Hey @GEOFF211
I can relate, right now I am 1 week short of 1 year anniversary of losing my wife to breast cancer.
The next week or so will be a real struggle.
Many times I can’t shake the notion that I want to and should just be with her, wherever she is, even if that is nowhere.
I know I can’t let that be the case but it doesn’t stop me thinking it is what is right.
I suppose those thoughts come over me slightly less often as I have gone through the year, but honestly not much less.
Love and strength to you and I truly hope you are re-united with your loved one one day when the time is right.
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@GEOFF211 wow, 57years is a long time and I’m not surprised you are finding things so hard. I can’t take your pain away but I just wanted to let you know we hear you.
I’m 1 year on the 29th of this month. Being honest I still wish death upon myself in my darkest moments but I also have less of those and more moments that I’m glad I am here but it has taken a long time to say that.
Keep talking on here. Keep sharing how your feeling. I hope you have friends and family to reach out to as well.
Best wishes
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Hi @Derek1966
Sorry to here how your still feeling nearly 1 year on. For myself it has been 7 months and i thought i was doing ok well joined book club exercise classes and hoping to volunteer with MacMillan who I used to volunteer with last year but this week has been difficult for some reason and i have cryed quite a lot. Think i was trying to sort out all his power tools in garage to sell or give away as no use to me didnt help.
The weather here is so cold and icy so not been able to go out but no snow yet in Edinburgh.
All i can say it doesnt matter how long we are without our loved ones it will always hurt.
All we can do is pick ourselves up and carry on best as we can
Take care stay strong
Lynne
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I too am coming up to the 1 year, February 11th last year, but I’m having real trouble lately as in a couple of days it will be exactly 1 year since Keef went into hospital never to come home again. We/I had no idea that this would be the end as at the time he just had trouble breathing and nobody had said anything about the cancer returning. It wasn’t until after about 10 days they said the cancer had come back but he never received any treatment because he was too weak and just went. I do try and socialise but at the moment it’s becoming increasingly difficult as I keep blaming myself for not getting him to the doctor earlier. I’m hoping once I get past the 1 year mark I will feel a bit better but I totally understand how you are all feeling. All we can do is try and carry on, as they would have wanted us to. xx
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Thanks for thoughts and understanding @Galaxy75
As it goes I am counting down the last few hours until it is 1 year once tomorrow comes around.
I am ok, Sunday hit me hard in the evening around the time I reconned I last had a conversation with Marie and heard her voice.
It sure is cold in Edinburgh right now!
I’m currently planning on working remotely from Spain for the month of February, trying to be good to myself.
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@Guineapig65 so hard not to think on how things could have been different and not feel some guilt. Marie had her diagnosis and COVID delays for surgery were a real problem. I tried to convince Marie to go private to speed up the surgery but she didn’t want to and trusted her surgeon.
Did I try hard enough to convince? Probably not. I believe people should be able to make these kinds of decisions on their own without pressure.
We can’t allow these things to affect us, life is short and precious and precarious and in the end chaotic I think. We do our best and that’s all we can really.
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Hi @Derek1966
Hope tomorrow 1 year on remember the good memories 
It sounds like an idea to get away for a while as being at home has so many memories and now is so quiet and lonely.
I am planning a trip in March/April to Belfast we promised to go there but now i will go on my own.
It will he strange and quiet but i can do tourist things during the day and stay in hotel at night on my own just like being home it should be fine.
Take care
Lynne
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@Galaxy75 thankyou
Hope Belfast goes well.
I am trying to force myself into, not sure what you would call it, but basically something more than just existing.
No idea if I can actually do that or if it will do any good at this time.
@GEOFF211 sorry you feel so sad but it’s only been a short time I’m lost my mum 3 years ago and still find hard. Song’s pictures etc have me in tears. I feel people get bored listening to us and stay away I haven’t seen anyone since the funeral. They all deserted me I was mum carer. Please be strong it does get easier but won’t ever go away lots of 
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Thanks for your kind words. I’m sorry that you have not seen anyone since that sad day people can be very cruel. Stay strong and look after yourself.
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