One Year Anniversary - What we did.

My eldest daughter Katie didn’t want to work on the day that Amy died so she came up to visit us.

We spent the day together and then that evening we went out for a fish supper in Anstruther, Fife. This was Amy’s favourite place.
We used to sit-in to have our meal, but over the years we much preferred to get a takeaway and eat in the car looking onto the small beach and water in Anstruther.
We always bring our own cutlery, and drinks.
Amy’s favourite dish was Macaroni and Chips, whilst everyone else had Haddock and chips.
If you ever visit Fife, Scotland we recommend that you visit the East Neuk coastline. Anstruther is a favourite of ours, there’s a museum, shops and lots of places to eat too.

What did you do on your loss day?


Hello @Jack27,

I’m so sorry for the loss of your daughter Amy. It sounds like you marked the day in a way that felt right for you and your family.

Thank you for sharing this with us. I’m just giving your thread a gentle, “bump” for you - hopefully someone will have some thoughts to share.

Take good care,

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Thank you for sharing this day. Anstruther is lovely and your memories of having happy times together eating favourite meals there sounds lovely.

The first anniversary for me is coming soon - I lost my husband on the 17th October last year. I am unsure what I will do, Sometimes I think it would be best to be with a close friend and sometimes I think I might want to be on my own with my thoughts. I guess as it comes closer I will get a better sense of what I need and where I might be. Meantime I am not going to plan but instead trust that the universe will take care of me and I will find the right thing for me whatever and wherever that may be.

Wishing you well xx


Thanks for sharing what you did to mark the day. It sounds like a good way to have spent it.
The anniversary day of my dad’s passing is coming around soon and I’m not sure yet whether to plan something ahead of time or just see how I go on the day.
I think i’ll try to spend some time outside, maybe by the coast too, or just the garden.

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I have been thinking about this. I am thinking I hope his memorial bench is by his grave so I can sit on it. The headstone is unlikely now to be in place as I changed my mind and not sure if words. I feel upset even in anticipation.
Likely when it gets to it won’t be so bad.
Ideas are a lamp burning on his grave, new wreath, message again with photo in plastic. Do his grave I stead of it all rough. Don’t really know.

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Hi Enorac,
We had Amy cremated, it was her wish and most of my family prefer this method. We couldn’t part with her ashes just yet, so I bought a pretty stacking suitcase set and we have Amy in one and my parents in the other two. I have issues with letting loved ones go (my Dad died in 2000 and my Mum died in 2004). These suitcases now sit in my living room so that we are close to them.
With a grave and stone, I know it can be difficult. Sometimes a short message is best, but adding personal items like a photo can help.

Best Wishes

Hi Jack
Thank you for your comments about what to do about the headstone on my husband’s grave. Yes something short is good. My father was cremated and I wanted to keep his cremated remains but my late husband insisted on burying them with my baby. I felt he had no right to do so as he felt freaked out by having them. But that was one of things about my late husband and makes grieving hard because of things he did I didn’t like.
It is a difficult choice but when can’t do what helps makes getting over it worse.
I had this idea I wanted to use his remains to feed roses as it is about new life as bonemeal has calcium and a fertilizer and eco friendly my dad was a gardener as me and my late husband was. But these feelings are just personal and very difficult. No right ways. I wanted a photo on headstone but not allowed in churchyards.