I hope you are okay today. I have joined the community in the hope of finding someone who can assist me and share their stories or coping methods. I lost my grandmother a year ago after a fight with leukaemia. Sadly, in the aftermath, I felt I cried and showed all emotion for her, yet now I feel more sad and empty inside than ever before.
Me and my partner agreed, due to personal circumstances surrounding her funeral, the probate, and following that, I did not fully process her death. I know I cannot keep carrying on like this, and the impact it has had on my work and personal life has already shown. I am happy talking it out and have no issue doing so; it’s just my mind doesn’t seem to fully process it and seems as if it hasn’t moved on?
I just want to know how others cope day by day? I reflect and remember her fondly, yet the pain does not cede or go away; instead, it only grows to the point my head is full of her remaining days in pain. I realise if I continue like this, I will go down a deep hole and potentially lose myself as a person, and my personality, which is outgoing and social, will turn sour.
Any advice, stories or techniques will be appreciated, thank you
Im so sorry for your loss @Stevo9770. A year is still very recent in grief terms, and you and your partner have recognised that you didnt process your grandmothers death in the early days, so it may only be now that your mind and body are ready to start processing what happened. The brain literally has to rewire itself after loss, its like a sat nav having to completely update its maps as suddenly a key anchor point on its map has disappeared
It sounds like you have a supportive partner which is great. And its positive that you are willing to talk about things - if you are being troubled with difficult memories, it might be that either sharing them in one to one counselling, or finding a bereavement support group will help, depending whether you prefer a group vs individual setting. By talking through those memories and feelings attached to them it helps us process. David Kessler (grief writer) says “grief needs to be witnessed” - there is something healing in sharing our stories. I felt very isolated in my grief when I lost my mum, but when I found a support group it felt lighter every time I shared and was met with understanding. If you prefer the written word I know others find relief in journalling and there are even guided writing your grief programs available. Its all essentially different methods of trying to work through what happened and giving your mind the space to process that.
Everyone is different in their grief,for me im 2.5 years in and have realised the pain wont leave me, because its testament to the deep love I have for my mum. What has happened over time is it has become less overwhelming- it doesnt threaten to hijack me at every turn. But if i ignore it for too long it builds and builds like you describe - i know at that point i need to spend time with my grief, to let those emotions flow.
