Hi Marylou ,
Myself and my brother were with our mum as she passed away on end of life care 7 weeks ago . We were lucky that we were also able to visit her everyday as she was seriously ill , hardly any patients on the ward were allowed visitors . So we were very grateful for that .
Grief is a very difficult journey . Take care of yourself.
Love Angie x
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It’s my first time on this site and already has been a comfort to see I’m not alone in feeling this way. A year has passed since my mum died from a brain tumor just three months after diagnosis and I was lucky enough to look after her at my parents home throughout. I am finding it hard that if anything I feel worse now than I did when she died. It’s just unbearable and unbelievable, some days I feel if I let it out at all I might just totally lose it ! But reading all your posts at least assures me how I feel is ‘normal’ …still crap lol but normal. X
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I thought it was just me who had the panic attacks and the massive anxiety until I read your post. I lost my Mum 4 years ago and grieved in what I thought was a ‘normal’ way (textbook stages of grief type of thing). Then, I lost my Grandma last year and it was completely different. I didn’t feel anything for about 6 months and then the anxiety came crashing in like a giant wave. It was triggered, of all things, by my dog getting ill. I’ve never felt anything like it in my life- just constant, debilitating fear from morning until night for months. I tried meds and they did nothing to help. Instead, I just tried a mixture of exposure therapy and, as unhelpful as it sounds, I just waited it out. The anxiety/panic started in September last year and it stopped around 3 months ago, thankfully. My hair is still falling out in clumps because of the effects of the stress.
I know this might sound a bit ‘how is this going to help?’, but I found the following things really useful in trying to regain some kind of control over my mind during the really difficult months (some of these things, I still do now, out of habit):
- listen to music you love at a stupidly loud volume (headphones recommended!) This blocked out intrusive thoughts so well
- yoga (I was always one of these people that thought yoga was for hippies, but it was actually so useful to control breathing)
- another music one: nature sounds (I found loads on youtube)
- watching funny clips on youtube (I still have to do this every night before I go to sleep- it just gives your mind something positive to focus on before drifting off)
- try to be on your own as little as possible (by that, I mean talk to someone on the phone, go outside to eat lunch in a park or similar, visit friends/family and/or just go for a walk in a place where you’ll see people). Being on your own allows your mind to go over and over events in your head until it drives you crazy- giving yourself something (anything!) else to focus on helps you to get a grip on your emotions and allows you the time to calm down
I hope these help
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@CBeeb93
I totally get the loud music for distraction! It works for me too!
Another thing I find that put life into perspective for me, is a walk on the beach (I’m lucky enough to have one close by). I look out to sea and it reminds me how much more there is out there than just my problems.
Wishing you some peace on this lonely and difficult road x
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@Marylou I’m glad it works for you, too!
Oh, how lovely! I’m on the other side of things and recently moved to the countryside so it’s lots of greenery and rivers for me (it’s amazing how healing being around nature can be, isn’t it?)
Sending love 
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Hi Lynn
I lost my mum on Easter Sunday this year at the local hospice after her being diagnosed with terminal cancer only 3 weeks before. We’d no idea she’d got cancer. I’d certainly reach out for all the help you can get. I’ve been having bereavement counselling via video link arranged by the hospice for the past few weeks and am finding it really helpful. Take care of yourself and look after yourself.
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Cbeeb93 , I’m so sorry you had anxiety too . I really sometimes think I am losing my mind . Again , meds don’t seem to do anything. I’ve been speaking to a hospice counsellor and she is the most helpful . I seemed to find it difficult to believe there is not something mentally wrong with me to suffer so mich panic 24 7 . I must accept this is grief .
@Jackie5 I agree that meds don’t help with this issue.
The counselling will definitely help you something about the palliative counsellors that really works.
There isn’t anything wrong with you- this is just your body’s reaction to the grief you’re experiencing. Some people cry and cry, some people rage, some people don’t feel anything at all and other people, like you and I, become very anxious. There’s nothing to determine which way your body and mind will react before it happens, but please believe me when I say you will move beyond this feeling and you will get through it
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Cbeeb93 , I just find I am so exhausted with it , can’t eat or sleep . It’s been 9 months of hell . A year since mum died and thought I was ok for 3 then Bam x
@Jackie5 it definitely hits you like that, yeah.
This sounds really cliche, but just remember to be kind to yourself. Try and do one thing in a day that makes you feel like yourself- whether that be just reading a few pages of a book or watching a few minutes of your favourite film. Doesn’t have to take up a lot of time if you’re not feeling up to it, but it’s important to try and bring yourself back, little by little if you start remembering who you were before, it helps your brain to remember how to deal with every day stressors and begin to apply that same response now. Baby steps
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That’s how I am too Jackie , it’s really hard for me this month being first yr anniversary of her death. The tears are there all the time if I let them. I try and do all the things cbeeb93 suggested and they do distract for a while but nothing changes the underlying sadness. X
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Thank you for all your lovely kind gentle words , it’s a help x
My thoughts and prayers are with you sue66 xx
Donnaf , I’m so sorry for your loss too . This forum is aGodsend . I was imagining all things were mentally wrong with me . I’ve just read a book , anxiety , the missing stage of grief which was helpful as well . If anyone would like it , I can post it on . X
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I lost my dad in February
He was my best friend I looked after him and was there when he passed
I am really struggling now feel so alone
I am pushing everyone I love away from me
My partner of 2 years has walked out
It’s really hard at the moment I feel angry that my dad died
Hi Rachel I’m sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, I lost my mum in July this year and it’s the worst pain I’ve ever felt, I too feel guilty, angry and lost, I cared for my mum for the Last 6 weeks at home so she could be with her family and was with her till the end, no one can prepare you for the overwhelming feeling you have when a loved one dies, k have two very supportive daughters one still lives at home with me and she has been amazing, listening too me, every day I cry , she has lost her gran so she is struggling too but shes been my rock, but even though you have people to talk too you still feel very much alone, people say you learn to live with the loss but I find that hard to believe at the moment, bill never be the same person I was, I’m waiting for counselling with cruse, are you doing any counselling? Maybe chat to a counsellor on this site to see if it helps you, we are all on this long journey together here and hopefully can help each other along, keep messaging on here when you feel you need to talk thinking of you, stay in touch
Lynn x
Thank you yes I am going to ask for counselling x
How do you private message?
Hi Jackie ,
Click on the profile pic and it will come up x
Hi CBeeb93
I totally get how your dog becoming ill could trigger your anxiety. My mum died in April, after only being ill since Jan and only being diagnosed 3 weeks prior to her death with advanced cancer. We had no idea she had cancer before that.
In August when I took my cat for her yearly booster/health check I was told that she had a heart murmur. Although thankfully only a minor one and nothing to worry about. She appears to be fit and healthy at the moment. But at the time it really freaked me out. I thought, oh no I can’t lose Bibi, (my cat), so soon after mum!
I’m single and so there the only person who I share my flat and life with is Bibi. So I totally get where you’re coming from. It’s tge thought of another loss so soon after such a devastating one which we find traumatic.