I lost my mum and best friend a year ago . It’s getting no better . The anxiety I feel is debilitating, often unable to work . Has anyone else suffered panic and anxiety ?
Hi yes me too, lost my Dad in Jan. Find it very debilitating like always carrying a heavy weight. I feel very scared and panicky at times. I referred myself for mental health support and I’m on the waiting list for psychotherapy
Hi Claire , what a great forum this is . I truly thought I was going mad . I’m also waiting for psychology and been put on an antidepressant. I actually thought it was the tablet causing this but from reading some of the posts , I think it is just to be got through. So many people have expected me to be over it by now , although I think I’m only starting to accept it . I’m sorry for your loss too . It is so hard isn’t it ?
1 Like
Lots of people dont understand but people here will. I also work in bereavement support and know there is no time frame for grief, people dont get over it - you grow around your grief.
We loved them for so long how could we stop loving them and not care anymore.
For me my Dad is constantly on my mind still, I would like some respite from it but to be honest I still feel shocked that hes not here.
And you are missing 2 people, double the pain
2 Likes
Hi claire & Jackie, I’m so sorry to read about your loss, I lost my mum on July 10th and I’m finding it difficult, I’m feeling so guilty, numb every day I don’t know how you get over something so huge, I feel like a little girl lost and don’t know what to do, people say it gets better with time, but I’m not so sure, I feel like it’s all a bad dream, I’ve been thinking about seeing a doctor but think it’s too early, but I can’t see it getting any better, you are both in my thoughts, messages from this forum do help to know your not on your own, keep in touch
Lynn x
Hi Lynn , I’m so sorry you have lost your mum too . It is early days . I don’t think it even hit me till 3 months after . If you are struggling to sleep I would say visit your doc , but that would only be short term . I know what you mean by a lost little girl . I’m a 52 year old woman but I feel like a child needing her mum and seem to be panicked and searching for her . I hope you have good support and be so kind to yourself . It is very very early days . Xxx
And Clair , you are so right about missing two people . I hadn’t thought about it like that . Xxx
We are all children still inside. We need our parents. So sorry you’re both in so much pain like I am. July 10th is so recent, at that point I was still struggling to function at all so please dont feel any pressure. The pain does get easier to cope with.
Guilt. It has nearly destroyed me.
I had some support almost straight away from a Sue Ryder counsellor I feel she helped me survive the first weeks I would recommend for help with guilt too.
I’m sure theres no reason to feel guilt but we can be so self critical. I’m still struggling massively with that
1 Like
Claire, Jackie, Lynn, I agree & also felt/ feel all what you have expressed. I had/have anxiety, reached a peak last March, my heart seem to race all the time, I am on low dose beta blocker, which just sbout holds it off, but still feel quite panicky sometimes. It’s true only people who have lost deeply loved relative, can know how difficult living without them is and it hits you in waves, sometimes more so, as time goes on.
Hi Greenfields, its comforting to know we are not alone with our thoughts/ feelings it so true about the waves, I can be sorting stuff out all ok, then BAM!! Its there, the lost feeling, the sadness, wondering what to do with yourself, my head keeps going over things, I then realise my mums gone, 
I will try to speak to a doctor & see what advice they can give, the hospice that we used for night sitters do have bearevement counselling so I might give them a call too, I know I’ll never be the person I was, ( i Honestly don’t think i want to be) part of me has gone with mum, but i just want to be able to get through each day without a melt down, I hope we can be there for each other when times get unbearable, it’s nice to know we can relate to our pain, keep in touch all
Love Lynn x
1 Like
I lost my mum to covid in January of this year. She was 90 but had lived independently on her own until a fall led to delirium and she ended up in a care home.
I can relate to what others are saying as sometimes the grief overwhelms me. I feel panic, sadness, guilt a whole mix of emotions. I know I was lucky to have her for so long and on the whole she had a good life but I can’t seem to move on. I feel really anxious all the time and worry about everything.
I’m thinking of asking for anti depressants as I’ve had in the past but feel like I should be able to cope. So many people deal with much worse things.
Sending good wishes for everyone struggling.
1 Like
Hi there, I feel the same. My Dad was 84. I think some people perceive longevity equals less of a loss, No way, its about the closeness you had.
Same here, feel panic, anxiety, severe loss of confidence. I am on beta blocker, as had shakes & heart racing, has supressed this to a degree, but still feel very depressed. I am going back to Dr, on friends recommendation, that antidepressants may suit better. I feel for you, the physical symptoms aredistressing. My closest friends have had meds themselves to cope & said to me, do not feel shame, as is your mental health & you need help to relieve the torment.
2 Likes
There is no shame at all in having medication to get you through. It does take the edge of things I found when I had it some years ago. At the moment I feel like I’m living on a knife edge and driving my husband crazy with all the stress!
The anxiety is a nightmare. Tried all therapies going I think . Even the antidepressant hasn’t helped me , but maybe I expect too much ! I feel so ashamed that I’m not coping like others seem to . It has been a year and my brother is getting on with life .
Hugs to you all.
It’s almost 9 months since my mam, my best friend passed away and I totally relate to the lost little girl feeling and the immense sadness which weighs heavy deep inside.
The outside shell does not reflect the pain I feel inside every day.
And you’re right, my mam had turned 80 earlier in the year, she had been my best friend for 50 years, but even if she had lived till 120, it would still have been too soon to lose her.
I’m so glad this site is here, it’s a comfort to express feelings that luckily, other people just don’t understand .
2 Likes
It’s the same for me Marylou . I lost my mum 7 weeks ago and she was 98 years old . An amazing age , but if she had been 108 it was still to soon to lose her . My mum was my best friend and I cared for her 24/ 7 . I’m so lost without her , take care .
Love Angie x
1 Like
Thank you for your message Angie4. It’s so difficult isn’t it. I’m sad others feel the same way, but it’s also a huge comfort to know my feelings are normal for other people too.
Hugs to you. Hopefully the pain gets easier to live with for all of us, in time xx
1 Like
Hi all the pain inside is just so intense even though I think I’m sleeping ok & wake a few times in the night in the morning I feel like I’ve not slept 
went to see mum at the chapel of rest yesterday and it didn’t look like her , which In a weird way helped as I couldn’t see my own mum lying g there, still had a few break downs of tears later in the day though, I feel we will never be the same, how can you be when a strong part of your life as gone, I miss her so much and long to hear from her or see her in my dreams but up to yet I’ve had nothing! For now all we can do is take a day at a time, its comforting to chat to others on here, I know we are all struggling in our own way, take care each of you & all keep in touch
Love Lynn x
2 Likes
Hi Lynn ,
I never went to see my mum at the chapel of rest , it was something she didn’t believe in ( she wanted people to remember her as she was in life ) . I’m not sleeping well either as I’m waking several times every night . It’s so tough but I keep fighting . I’ve accepted I’ll never be the person I used to be , part of me died with her so how can I ? We have to stay strong , take care.
Love Angie x
1 Like
I was ‘lucky’ ? that I was able to be with my mam as she passed away on end of life care. I know that, with covid, a lot of people didnt get that opportunity.
I found it really difficult to watch my best friend slip away, knowing what to come was inevitable, but as she never regained consciousness, it felt like she had already left, days earlier.
I’m hoping given time, (this has been 9 months so far), I will get to remember the good times we shared, rather than just a very sad ending.
Hugs to you all in this very sad journey xx
2 Likes