Ongoing Grief

Hi. I last posted in 2020. My husband had lost his father 2013, brother 2014 and sister 2020. In the period after 2020 DH experienced extremely anger and a breakdown. I found it difficult to approach and was surviving, working and looking after our 2 children. By his own admission he pushed me away. Substance abuse was present at the time which he only admitted after I said I had spoken to a solicitor . Repeatedly he would say I was shit wife, unsupportive etc but I tried I really did to support him but was pushed to my limits. I had 2 courses of CBT which helped me through. Since this time things have been on and off. Whenever DH is low, he screams, shouts, is paranoid, says I am a poor wife, brings things up from years ago and gets really angry. The mood swings are so difficult to cope with and so extreme. I honestly want to help him but he refuses gried counselling, refuses to see a doctor and blames, me ,his friend etc for everything and anything. I think he is depressed but he just says he is unhappy , feels numb, cannot see the point in anything. The thing is these eaves come and go but everyone I am attacked as the sole reason for his unhappiness. Even though we have so many rational conversations about the time period in 2020 he still ruminates by himself over and over seeing his sister in her last moments. Now our children are a bit older I know they are affected by the mood swings and unpredictable nature of the vibe in our house. Is this grief? Social anxiety, paranoia are also present. Please help me to understand so that I can help because at the moment I can see no light and my own wellbeing is rock bottom . I can’t go on living like this :disappointed_relieved:

Dear @DeniseC,

I am really sorry you are going through this. It is very brave of you to share this with the community. I wanted to let you know that there is support out there for you.

Anger can be a part of grief, and it sounds like your husband’s anger is having a serious impact on his life, as well as yours, and that he may benefit from professional support.

But I am worried to hear that you and your children are being affected - you are important too and you deserve to feel safe. If at any point you feel that you or your children are unsafe, please do reach out to Women’s Aid.

You may also want to look at the NHS website which has a guide on recognising abuse and where to find help and support.

I do hope that these resources are something you will consider exploring. Please take good care,