I’m so glad things are better with you. Enjoy Cyprus you lucky thing.
Things depressing here im afraid. Just been to see my mum in her nursing home and she cried that she sees visions of my dad slumped and unable to breathe and she is unable to help. So upsetting. She’s also seeing things and getting confused
On top of that, last weekend I had my own medical emergency. In and out of a&e with a blocked bile duct. Op on Tuesday and got to go back in a few weeks. You couldn’t make it up!
So sorry to hear this Ann. I do hope you feel better soon. Your poor Mum and that is so upsetting for you. Have you any other family who can help support you. My cousin is helping me emotionally and I am going to see her tonight. You take care and best wishes to you Lynne x
I was in the exact same situation. My mother did die, 2016. Please know, that I wince and am in pain every time I think about when I was mean to my mother. I was under the same strain as you. Now, all I do I is miss her painfully so. I wish I had bit my tongue every time that I was mean to her, or walked from the room.
Please try hard to avoid it because she will be gone one day and you will have lots of time to grieve them both. Neither was I able to grieve my dad because right after his passing, I started taking care of my mother.
Today, I miss both severely. So give you and her lots of patience and time because little else matters but your family. Not the washing, the bills, the house … none of it matters compares to the people that love you.
Feel like it is getting close to the time when I will lose my mum now. Can’t believe she has battled on so long. No idea how I will feel whenever it finally happens but just feel so exhausted by life today.
Just a quick update. My mum died 2 weeks ago. Funeral next week.
I’ve been on such a crazy emotional journey all year that I don’t feel liked expected too. Sort of a resigned acceptance to the situation rather than grief at the moment.
I’m scared I’m bottling it up then going to explode in the future…I was with her every step of the way through her last year so maybe that is where the acceptance steps in? Not sure. Too early to say.
So sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you. You have done your utmost for your Mum and you were always there for her. You can now fully grieve for your Mum and Dad. You take care and if you ever need a chat you know where I am. Sending a huge hug Lynne xx
Thanks for the reply. I guess at the moment I am feeling relief that all the pressure of the last year has been lifted. Not sure when the grief will hit. It has been overwhelming me all year and my mum was adamant that life was for living that I hope I can now start to do that again.
I made myself physically I’ll though. A few weeks before she died I ended up in hospital getting a bile stent fitted after my bile duct got blocked with a gallstone. A few days after she died I was in hospital again with an infection. Maybe it is life’s way to keep me too busy to fall to bits mentally!
Hi,Ann,i am so sad to read about all you have been through and are going through. I don’t know what to say other than i think you are an incredibly strong person. I lost my Mum 10 months ago,so heartbroken. I guess you just have to get through each hour. I am here if you need to talk. Take Care,Lucy,xxx
I don’t know about strong but I guess we just have no alternative but to put one foot in front of the other.
I’m sorry to hear about your mum too. I think until a couple of years go by, we can certainly say it is early days.
My mum made the journey easier for me as she was so accepting of the situation. As she suffered so much, I feel it would almost be selfish to want her around just to say I still had a mum.
I listened to her voice on some answer phone messages yesterday which was so hard but ultimately I still have to carry on putting one step in front of the other.
Yes i am an only child,sometimes i wish i had a brother/sister to grieve with. Luckily i have my 11 year old son who understands how i feel as it was his Nan also whom he lost. Being a single parent and having had an illness for 6 years has not helped at all. My Mum was one of the most kind hearted,clever,generous person you could ever meet and get to know. My Mum had been through such a lot in her life,but always managed to stay so strong. I can feel your pain,as i wake up frequently throughout the night needing my Mum,just one example. I hope in time that you will feel a lot better. I don’t know if i will ever truly be the same person again. I hope that your weekend has gone the best it can,Lucy xxx
I have a 6 year old son and he is the one I turn to too. I’ve been very honest with him and he is with me. His simpler view of life helps me and we have to get through for their sake. Glad your son helps you too.
Your mum sounds lovely. One thing that helps me is to be greatful that I had such amazing parents, however long for. Some people don’t even have that.
It is 6 weeks since my mum died and it is starting to hit me more in a way. I was relieved at first because a year of caring for her was so hard just after my dad died but now the relief is wearing off and I just can’t believe what a year it has been.
I miss them both so much. Friends and family are being good but they are simply not my parents. I no longer can go round and just feel safe and secure with their love surrounding me. Then it hits me that this isn’t just something I have to deal with for a while. This is forever.
Sorry to whinge. Just wanted to get it off my chest to people who understand and see how you are all doing.
Hi Ann It is really hard and there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Someone said something to me last week that made so much sense and that is to 'smile for what you had" with your parents. It sounds like you had great parents just as I had a great Dad and not everyone gets that chance. Also reflect on how your parents would want you most emphatically carry on with and make the most of your life. I think about Dad and keep hearing him say make the most of your life as it is such a precious gift. Sending a big hug Lynne xx
Hello Ann,
Please don’t think you’re whingeing, you’re understandably grieving for both your parents. You must be exhausted by it all.
I lost my mum and partner within
3 months and I feel like you do, that I’m going to be alone forever. I don’t feel lonely just alone, with nobody special to care for me.
As you say friends and family just aren’t the same.
Take care of yourself and you sound as if you did so much for your parents it must have been lovely for them to have you there. Jx
Those words are poignient and true. Ive not been as bad as I expected to be since losing my mum but just feel really low today. Guess I will just have to cling on to the rollercoaster ride like the rest of us.
Losing your mum and partner within 3 months must have sent you in a tail spin. I’m sorry you understand where I’m coming from. Xx
It is just such a mix of emotions. Tiredness, exhaustion, sadness, frustration and anger. I’m taking it out on my husband today so need to stop that but it is hard keeping up, keeping it all going sometimes.
Do you feel you have accepted what happened to you yet or are you still working eveeything out?
It is understandable you get low days and totally natural Be comforted that you sound as if you did the very best for your Mum and Dad and because like you we love so much the loss is very hard to bear sometimes. Take care and best wishes Lynne xx
Hello Ann,
I’ve accepted my mum going as she was 98 and only ill for a short time, I miss her but she’d had a long and happy life.
I don’t think I’ll ever accept my partner’s death, at 69 fit and healthy
(we thought) went out, collapsed and died from a ruptured aneurysm before I got to the hospital.
19 weeks on I’m still in shock and can’t believe it’s happened.
This was our first year of retirement together and moving to the cottage we’d just finished renovating.
I’m so sad and upset for him and me we’ve worked hard and wanted to enjoy growing old together.
My whole life disappeared that night.
As you say it’s so hard to keep going at times.
I’m sure your husband understands how hard it is for you.
Thank you for your support, this community brings some comfort.Jx
