Hi Lynne
You are certainly right. The reason we feel so low is because we were blessed with so much love. For that I am thankful.
Hi Jackie
Oh gosh. You must feel so cheated with your partner going in that way. It will certainly take some time to move on from all that. Are you still moving into the cottage? I am sure your partner would want you to be happy there if you are but easier said than done of course.
Thank you both for reaching out today. It is a shame that this forum is so full of lovely people but all with grief in common.
Ann xx
Hi Ann,
Yes, cheated is exactly how I feel for both of us. I will move to the cottage in time, after all the work we’ve done I couldn’t bear to sell it. I still can’t believe what’s happened.
I had no idea how awful grief could be , it affects absolutely everything.
I hope life gets a little easier for everyone. Jx
Hi Jackie
I’m glad in time you will move into the cottage. I hope it brings you comfort knowing that that is what he would have wanted. For you to follow your dream for him.
I may move into my mum and dads home in time too. It is such a bitter sweet situation. I dont want it to be a shrine to them but at the same time I feel closer to them there.
Grief is horrid. It certainly effects everything indeed.
I guess all we can do is keep putting one foot infront of the other…
Hugs to all
Ann xx
Hi Ann
How are you? I am doing ok but is is very hard as have days where I really miss Dad. I was such a Daddy’s girl that I almost resent being left to look after Mum. This is terrible to feel this way and I feel so guilty all the time. I love Mum but really struggle when I am with her and when I am not with her. It is such a difficult situation but I really need to change my feelings but how I do that I do not know. Mum is fine as she has carers 3 times a day and I make sure she has everything she needs in terms of shopping etc. I visit twice a week but on one hand I feel I should stay with her but on the other hand I know that no way should I stay with her! The emotions around it all are awful. It is an emotional rollercoaster. Anyway hope you are ok and take care Lynne xx
Hi Lynne,
Well you are being very honest and it is certainly a difficult situation. Xx What is it that you find difficult when you are with your mum? Could you do something different when you are with her that would take the pressure off like watch a film together or go through photos?
I know how it feels being a daddy’s girl. I certainly was one too. Now that my mum has died, I feel differently. I realise how much my mum always did for me and never asked anything in return. I showed how much I loved my dad to her and looking back, that must have been hard for her. I now realise how much I did love my mum. Her unconditional love is so hard to lose.
I do understand how difficult you are finding caring for your mum. It really is a tough challenge but now I am on the other side of that chapter in my life, I am glad I did everything I could.
Life is much easier for me now practically. I have my time back and my stress levels are so much lower now. I just feel so very very sad. I miss them both so much.
I am functioning though. Getting through one day at a time just like my mum told me to. I’m snapping at my husband though and can’t stand being with his parents so I need to work on that…
It’s so hard watching my son deal with losing his grandparents too. Pulls every heart string I have.
Anyway. Im here for you to vent at any time. I really do understand.
Ann xx
Thankyou Ann. It really does help just to ‘vent’. I have just been out for a meal with friends and was reminded of all the positives and that is that I had a fabulous Dad, but am now caring for Mum who is fully compliant with her carers and does not really create a fuss. I used to always visit once a week so it is reasonable to visit twicw a week so I need to work on changing my attitude towards Mum. We did not have the best of relationships when I was younger and she is a very strong person and was quite controlling at times. I have guilt all the time but I need to learn to drop that as Mum is fine it is me who is having the difficulty coping.
I am glad you are feeling better but it will still be hard for you. As you say Mum is really the only family I have now so I need to appreciate that. You take care xx
Hi All
Just wondered how your own personal grief roller coasters are going?
Sending love
Ann xx
Hi Ann. I am doing good. I cannot believe it is now nine months since my Dad died. I still find it hard to come to terms with the fact he is no longer here. What gets me through was my Dad’s attitude to life and for him and me I am much stronger. As almost a tribute to him I am carrying on with and making the most of life. I am making sure Mum is ok and that she is being well cared for which enables me to live my life to the full and enjoy going to see her. As you know looking after Mum is something I really struggled with but now the care organised for her is working well and I can be a daughter rather than full time carer.
I think it is important to reflect on what your Mum and Dad would be saying to you and I hope you would find that way of thinking is a comfort to you. What was their philosophy of life and what would be important to them. Sending you a big hug. Take Care Lynne x
Hi Lynne
I’m really pleased things have settled down for you a bit and your mum is receiving good care. It must be a relief. Xx
You are right about looking at what your dad’s beliefs were. I start each morning looking at a picture of my mum and dad smiling at me. I still love them and nobody can take that away from me. My mum kept saying how important it was that I enjoyed life when she was gone. I am doing my best but it is very early days. I think she would be proud of me just plodding on at the moment.
One thing that death does is make us realise how important life is. Seize the day etc. I’m not there yet but determined not to fall into a hole forever about losing my mum and dad. They would be furious with me if I just gave up on life.
As ever, one step at a time but I am pleased to hear you are a bit more settled. Carry on having fun for your dad.
Ann xx