Hello everyone, I am new to using an online forum but here goes! I lost my Mum very suddenly on 26th August 2019. My Mum had been slightly unwell with a water infection for a few days, but it wasn’t anything serious. She felt tired and was off her food. I live up North and my Mum lives down South, 4 hours drive away. I am an only child and we lost my Dad after a stroke in July 2016.
Mum didn’t want me to travel home and said she was just tired. She sounded a bit brighter on the Saturday, so I didn’t travel. I last spoke to her on Sunday 25th August and she said she was tired again. I couldn’t get hold of her again that day and didn’t think anything of it. I drove down early on the Monday morning, as it was a bank holiday. I had done some baking, thinking she would probably like some nice food, help in the shower etc. When I got outside my Mum’s flat, her neighbour was stood there on the phone. When I got level with him, I could see through Mum’s window that she was dead on the floor. I have no idea when she died. All I know is in that moment, I felt like I’d fallen through the floor. The world tipped upside down and it still feels as bad as it did in that moment.
As Mum’s death was sudden, the police and the coroner were involved. They were both inconsiderate and unhelpful. In fact the coroners officer’s first words to me were “she was 76 and had a water infection”, as if that made it ok. I was so mad, I had to put the phone down. After my Mum died, there was a 3 week delay by the coroners. They told me I had to request a PM, even though the coroner requests it not the family. If Mum’s sudden death wasn’t bad enough, I found out afterwards there was a delay with the antibiotics/prescription. So she didn’t start taking medication until 36 hours later. I also found out that Mum’s neighbour rang 111 on the Sunday afternoon, as he thought Mum looked unwell. They wouldn’t do anything as he wasn’t the patient or a relative. I am sorry if I am rambling, but writing it all down helps I’m sure. It also makes me think that Mum’s death was preventable. I feel like she has just fallen through the cracks. My Mum was 76, had no health conditions and was enjoying life again after we lost my Dad. Life really doesn’t seem fair to me. I can’t get over the fact she was on her own at the end.
Claire x
Hi Claire, what a terrible way for your mum’s life to end. How tragic that you had gone to see her but she had already died. And to add insult to injury, what an awful way for the coroner officer to talk to you and 111’s failure to do anything about your neighbour reporting your mum not feeling well. You have every right to feel cheated, and no, you’re not rambling, you’re expressing your frustration, and no one will blame you for it.
Do you have any family to help you? Or friends you can talk to about this? I hope so, if not, you can always talk to us here.
I am so sorry for your loss - my mums death was sudden but we did get to see her. Then we were kicked out of the hospital and she died without family. So gutted. We want the best for our loved ones but sometimes it is out of our control. Their suffering is over now - I’m sure they wouldn’t want us to torment ourselves. Sending heartfelt condolences x