I am an only child, I’m married but I don’t have children of my own. My parents divorced when I was a teenager and neither remarried. My dad passed away early this year and now I feel a gut wrenching loss and loneliness. What I’m struggling the most is I have no one to talk to who can tell me things about my dad, keep him alive, laugh and tell stories with. There are pockets of people who knew him for brief periods of his life but I was the only constant.
I’ve never worried about being an only child before but the loss of my dad has really brought this home.
My mum is alive and well, and we have a great relationship but I am her rescuer, I am the one that fills her 1/2 empty glass. I rarely get positive support from her unfortunately. I therefore don’t talk to her about how I feel about my dad, my loneliness as she will just jump in the pit with me.
Although my dad suffered for many years with poor health, he was always joking, light, generous, kind, loving, funny. I miss him beyond words.
I wonder if there are any other only child / no children in this community as I am at a loss as to how to get myself through this.
I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling incredibly lost and lonely and feel like you have no one who knew your dad like you did, this must be so difficult for you. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.
Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
Hi River2, I’m so sorry to hear that you lost your lovely dad. I’m not an only child but I have no children myself. My dad died suddenly when I was a teenager, & my mum never had another relationship afterwards. She’s elderly now, & me & my brother are close to her, but sometimes it’s as if she’s the child now.
What you say about your parents resonates with me a little. My mum is often quite negative, & was quite hard on us as children. My dad was warm & funny though. We do talk about him, but only really in passing, & if mum reveals something about him accidentally she clams up when I try to explore it with her. I’m often aware that I never knew him as an adult, & that there’s no-one left who can give me that perspective now, & that I’ve missed out on those things he would have told me over the years. It’s a comfort to be able to feel what a good dad he was to me though.
Maybe journalling would help you to keep that connection alive with your dad? Keeping talking about him am sure will help as well, which you can do here, & also in counselling if you feel you could do that. Welcome, & much love to you. Xx