I have lost two husbands. They both died suddenly with cardiac arrests. The first was when he was out running, the second in bed next to me. Both were fit and healthy.
The first time I trawled the internet for help. I typed
‘Bereaved’ and got the dictionary definition, so I typed ‘widowed’ and got the same. Not much help there. Eventually I found a Chat room for widowed people.
This time there is this wonderful site where we can post and get support.
Through that chat room, 20 years ago, I made some good friends. I met up with some of them, including my second husband who died at the end of May.
We were married for 16 years when he died. Since then I have recently met up with a couple of my old widowed friends, although I stayed in touch with many more via emails and social media. Without exception all of them are living contented lives. A few have remarried, many have not, but all of them have survived and gone on to have fulfilled lives. Some had young children, grown up children, grandchildren, no children at all. Some had lost their partners through terminal illness, sudden death, or suicide. We all had different circumstances, responsibilities and stories. And we all survived to tell the tale. As far as I know nobody else has so far been widowed twice apart from me, and I hope they never will be, although that is unlikely, if not impossible.
When I lost my first husband I really believed that was it for me. I did a fair impression of Queen Victoria for the first 4 years. But I had promised my dead husband that I would always do my best for our children. Then I met the man that was to become my second husband, and he loved and cared for me and he gave my children the best life possible for 16 years.
I am a bit cross with God and The Universe that he has been taken and I really don’t understand why.
However, I do remember sitting in my garden howling like a banshee, thinking that my life was over and wishing that it was. I am doing it again, but this time I know that it will get better. It won’t be easy and it will hurt, but it will get better.
I am not offering advice. All the friends I made the first time around have had different journeys and coped with grief in their own way. One said she enjoys her solitary life. One gave her daughter away in marriage last week, in place of her husband.
Onwards and upwards xx
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Thanks willow.
I needed that this morning.
Love and hugs xx
Thank you for shedding a little positively into my truly negative world xx
Oh Willow, in the midst of all your sorrow, you thought of us, thank you.
I’ve been feeling the same about God and the universe, but you have shown me light and positivity with your words. Thank you.
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Positive and encouraging, thank you x