Our home is lost forever 💔

Good morning everyone,

I just came across this song, I haven’t really listened to the words before, if you have a few minutes have a listen. It rang so true. When you loose your soulmate, You literally loose your home along with everything else. Andrew was my home :two_hearts: xx

https://www.google.com/search?q=alabama+arkansas+song+with+lyrics&client=ms-android-google&sca_esv=334a9bda33585e15&sca_upv=1&sxsrf=ADLYWIINWh4NQs6Y91-443yJ0w9-CweK0A%3A1719550670473&ei=zkJ-ZpG9HIeBhbIP9sSviAg&oq=alabama+arkansas+with+&gs_lp=EhNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwIhZhbGFiYW1hIGFya2Fuc2FzIHdpdGggKgIIATIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB5I6UJQ7xVY0ipwAngBkAEAmAGnAaABvwWqAQMwLjW4AQHIAQD4AQGYAgegAoIGwgIKEAAYsAMY1gQYR8ICDRAAGIAEGLADGEMYigXCAhMQLhiABBiwAxhDGMgDGIoF2AEBwgINEC4YgAQYsQMYQxiKBcICChAAGIAEGEMYigXCAgUQABiABMICCxAAGIAEGIYDGIoFwgIFECEYoAHCAgUQIRifBZgDAIgGAZAGDroGBAgBGAiSBwMyLjWgB54d&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp#fpstate=ive&vld=cid:1a611cc7,vid:T_eaP31BhtU,st:0

Good morning Katy. I can’t get the link to work? What is the title and who sings it please?
Feeling very alone this morning and wish I hadn’t woken up so early. In fact wished I hadn’t woken up for days. Not looking forward to another day without him. This is so hard. Looks like I’m going to have another lost and lonely day xx

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Oh @jody

It’s awful isn’t it.

Them days are so lonely and when your there it feels like you’ll never get through them but you will I promise…I don’t no about you but I have cycles of emotions everything from dread to feeling optimistic (I’m sure it coincides with my time of the month FFS :joy:)

Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home

Xx

Thanks Katyh I’ll have a listen. Yes it does go in cycles. I used to be independent and organised and at the moment everything seems overwhelming. I now know this isn’t a 9 week long bad dream and I’m going to wake up and everything will be okay. It scares me. It’s the prospect of years of loneliness. I’m due back at work in a couple of weeks ( I’m partially retired so not full time) but not sure if I can face it.
Everyone seems to think it will be good for me ( everyone that’s not in this situation!) but my heart isn’t in it. Work have been great so don’t want to let them down. Just another thing to worry about.
Hope your day is good today xx

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@jody
Your at a similar stage to me…it’ll be 11 weeks on Sunday that I lost my Andrew.

Yes I used to be so confident and organised to. Currently feel 10% me and 90% a wobbly mess, no control over my own emotions, like Jekyll and hide. I’ve never had anxiety before but that’s slapped me in the face to! We’ve lost our identity!

I’m going back to work not next week the week after. I don’t feel ready but I figure I need some routine and normality. I think it’ll be hard as my “home” has gone and I’ll have no one to share my day with or anyone checking in throughout but I can’t go on like this for much longer.

You’ll know when you feel ready to go back back to work. There is no rush, you do what is best for you.

Is there anything that you can do today that will break up how you are feeling. Even on days when I have felt at my lowest I have gotten ready and taken my sister or mum out for a coffee. It breaks it up and really does help to get some fresh air and to buy ice cream to cry into later :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:. Don’t get me wrong I’ve had days at the beginning when I struggled to even get a shower. Literally couldn’t compose myself enough to get in and for some reason being in the shower brings me lots of tears.

It’s completely shit, isn’t it. I do know that in time we will all feel more like ourselves but having shared a life with someone it’s absolutely unsettling being completely alone and not having your person who you choose over everyone else by your side.

I’ve actually got a busy day, it’s my great aunties 80th birthday so we have hired a function room and doing her a buffet. We have an Elvis act booked aswell. Andrew would have had the day of to help me today. Every single thing brings my mind back to him.

Xx

Katyh thank you for your thoughtful reply.
Yes this situation is ‘completely shit’ as you say. It’s 10 weeks for me on Sunday too when my lovely partner ( best friend, lover, soulmate) passed away suddenly. So we are very much on the same timeline.
I’m meeting up with a friend for coffee later this morning so that will be a distraction. She’s been wonderfully supportive and more so than others who I thought I could have relied on.
I’ll try and keep busy this afternoon then that’s another day nearly done.
Have a wonderful time at the 80th party. Sounds like it could be fun and I’m sure your great aunt will be really appreciative.
Thanks again xx

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@jody

Yeah she’ll love it, she has learning disabilities, so will think it’s really Elvis :smiling_face_with_three_hearts: bless her.

Glad you’ve got a good supportive friend!

I don’t no about you but I still have the urge to shout Andrew. I used to shout him and say come quick (like there was an emergency) he would run to me and I’d say give us a hug :rofl: I miss everything :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

So April the 15th for you to?

Xx

Aw that’s lovely and so kind of you to organise that for her🥰
21st April for me and while we were away on holiday and completely out of the blue.
Like you I miss everything- cuddles, shared jokes and just being together even if we weren’t doing anything particular. Someone who is always on your side, cheering you on. It’s heartbreaking :broken_heart: xx

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@jody

I don’t no if Andrew is trying to give me signs through songs but recently I’ve been wondering what the future will hold. I’ve joined some brevemment groups on Facebook and asked for people to share their positive future stories. Loads of people replied and it was amazing to read how people have managed to get through their grief (still there but not as intense). I find it hard to believe this is it forever. Anyway while I was just cleaning my kitchen. This song came on the radio. Have a listen, it makes sense to me. We now have a blank page in front of us, the rest is unwritten! It’s up to us how we fill it. Hmmm maybe I’m having a light bulb moment lol :bulb:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&opi=89978449&url=https://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Db7k0a5hYnSI&ved=2ahUKEwiryvLv1f2GAxU7TEEAHWkQBf4QsPgBegQIDhAB&usg=AOvVaw1q70PbIbcBVVm5SXi77Gpo

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@jody

It was mainly my mum who organised it.

Yes everything, the cuddles are one of the most things I miss. We were so close. He was my personal cheerleader :joy: I was such a soft arse with him. I have quite a stressful job and he was my rock always made me feel special. I can’t even use the perfume he bought me for Christmas and valentine’s as it’s the last bottles he would ever buy me, it’s so fucking sad and cruel. I do think he comes to me sometimes to check in.

Xx

Thanks for the song and being so positive. I need that today :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
I’m not sure whether he checks in on me, not really had any signs apart from some robins in the garden, but they seem to have disappeared. I do hope he is :crossed_fingers:
We were so close physically and emotionally and often knew what each other were thinking or going to say. He said I was his one true love and he was definitely the love of my life. I suppose having this intensity of feeling just creates this level of grief :two_hearts:xx

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@jody

After all grief is love with know where to go.

I really hope you have a good day today, take care :heartpulse:

Thanks Katyh you too❤️xx

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Hey @jody

How did you say go are you feeling any better? I’ve just got in from the party,.I’m pooped :joy: x

Hi Katyh I am feeling better than this morning thanks. It certainly helps getting out and spending time with other people, even when you have to come back to a silent house.
Sounds like you’ve had a better afternoon too and you should sleep well tonight!
Thanks for thinking of me. Take care :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:xx

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@jody

Oh good! Yes it is still crap coming home and being alone. Take care xx

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