Good morning everyone,
I just came across this song, I havenāt really listened to the words before, if you have a few minutes have a listen. It rang so true. When you loose your soulmate, You literally loose your home along with everything else. Andrew was my home 
xx
Good morning Katy. I canāt get the link to work? What is the title and who sings it please?
Feeling very alone this morning and wish I hadnāt woken up so early. In fact wished I hadnāt woken up for days. Not looking forward to another day without him. This is so hard. Looks like Iām going to have another lost and lonely day xx
Oh @jody
Itās awful isnāt it.
Them days are so lonely and when your there it feels like youāll never get through them but you will I promiseā¦I donāt no about you but I have cycles of emotions everything from dread to feeling optimistic (Iām sure it coincides with my time of the month FFS 
)
Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros - Home
Xx
Thanks Katyh Iāll have a listen. Yes it does go in cycles. I used to be independent and organised and at the moment everything seems overwhelming. I now know this isnāt a 9 week long bad dream and Iām going to wake up and everything will be okay. It scares me. Itās the prospect of years of loneliness. Iām due back at work in a couple of weeks ( Iām partially retired so not full time) but not sure if I can face it.
Everyone seems to think it will be good for me ( everyone thatās not in this situation!) but my heart isnāt in it. Work have been great so donāt want to let them down. Just another thing to worry about.
Hope your day is good today xx
@jody
Your at a similar stage to meā¦itāll be 11 weeks on Sunday that I lost my Andrew.
Yes I used to be so confident and organised to. Currently feel 10% me and 90% a wobbly mess, no control over my own emotions, like Jekyll and hide. Iāve never had anxiety before but thatās slapped me in the face to! Weāve lost our identity!
Iām going back to work not next week the week after. I donāt feel ready but I figure I need some routine and normality. I think itāll be hard as my āhomeā has gone and Iāll have no one to share my day with or anyone checking in throughout but I canāt go on like this for much longer.
Youāll know when you feel ready to go back back to work. There is no rush, you do what is best for you.
Is there anything that you can do today that will break up how you are feeling. Even on days when I have felt at my lowest I have gotten ready and taken my sister or mum out for a coffee. It breaks it up and really does help to get some fresh air and to buy ice cream to cry into later 
. Donāt get me wrong Iāve had days at the beginning when I struggled to even get a shower. Literally couldnāt compose myself enough to get in and for some reason being in the shower brings me lots of tears.
Itās completely shit, isnāt it. I do know that in time we will all feel more like ourselves but having shared a life with someone itās absolutely unsettling being completely alone and not having your person who you choose over everyone else by your side.
Iāve actually got a busy day, itās my great aunties 80th birthday so we have hired a function room and doing her a buffet. We have an Elvis act booked aswell. Andrew would have had the day of to help me today. Every single thing brings my mind back to him.
Xx
Katyh thank you for your thoughtful reply.
Yes this situation is ācompletely shitā as you say. Itās 10 weeks for me on Sunday too when my lovely partner ( best friend, lover, soulmate) passed away suddenly. So we are very much on the same timeline.
Iām meeting up with a friend for coffee later this morning so that will be a distraction. Sheās been wonderfully supportive and more so than others who I thought I could have relied on.
Iāll try and keep busy this afternoon then thatās another day nearly done.
Have a wonderful time at the 80th party. Sounds like it could be fun and Iām sure your great aunt will be really appreciative.
Thanks again xx
Yeah sheāll love it, she has learning disabilities, so will think itās really Elvis bless her.
Glad youāve got a good supportive friend!
I donāt no about you but I still have the urge to shout Andrew. I used to shout him and say come quick (like there was an emergency) he would run to me and Iād say give us a hug 
I miss everything
So April the 15th for you to?
Xx
Aw thatās lovely and so kind of you to organise that for herš„°
21st April for me and while we were away on holiday and completely out of the blue.
Like you I miss everything- cuddles, shared jokes and just being together even if we werenāt doing anything particular. Someone who is always on your side, cheering you on. Itās heartbreaking 
xx
I donāt no if Andrew is trying to give me signs through songs but recently Iāve been wondering what the future will hold. Iāve joined some brevemment groups on Facebook and asked for people to share their positive future stories. Loads of people replied and it was amazing to read how people have managed to get through their grief (still there but not as intense). I find it hard to believe this is it forever. Anyway while I was just cleaning my kitchen. This song came on the radio. Have a listen, it makes sense to me. We now have a blank page in front of us, the rest is unwritten! Itās up to us how we fill it. Hmmm maybe Iām having a light bulb moment lol 
It was mainly my mum who organised it.
Yes everything, the cuddles are one of the most things I miss. We were so close. He was my personal cheerleader I was such a soft arse with him. I have quite a stressful job and he was my rock always made me feel special. I canāt even use the perfume he bought me for Christmas and valentineās as itās the last bottles he would ever buy me, itās so fucking sad and cruel. I do think he comes to me sometimes to check in.
Xx
Thanks for the song and being so positive. I need that today
Iām not sure whether he checks in on me, not really had any signs apart from some robins in the garden, but they seem to have disappeared. I do hope he is 
We were so close physically and emotionally and often knew what each other were thinking or going to say. He said I was his one true love and he was definitely the love of my life. I suppose having this intensity of feeling just creates this level of grief xx
After all grief is love with know where to go.
I really hope you have a good day today, take care 
Thanks Katyh you tooā¤ļøxx
Hey @jody
How did you say go are you feeling any better? Iāve just got in from the party,.Iām pooped x
Hi Katyh I am feeling better than this morning thanks. It certainly helps getting out and spending time with other people, even when you have to come back to a silent house.
Sounds like youāve had a better afternoon too and you should sleep well tonight!
Thanks for thinking of me. Take care xx