Just having another cry before I take myself back to bed for another night, I have gotten myself through another empty day… Today I have achieved very little, a bit of a wasted day which started me off crying again…Talking to myself as usual, telling myself that " I dont want to waste any more days," I want to be living them, soon my days will be up just like they were for my Richard, I had often said this to him too, that we are wasting days not doing this or that…Then I was saying " they say it is always the good ones that go first…" well I must have been a very bad person as I am still here…Richard must have been good as he is the one that they took…Yes he had his faults but his good points far outweighed his bad’s…He should be the one here now, not me…I always expected to go before him…how life-death has strange way of turning everything on its head, life never turns out the way we envision it…
Jackie…
He is at peace, where I am not…
Jackie…
Beravemnet really affects our mental state…Just been doing the washing up ( just a few items mugs, plates, the clean large mug I will need for my cup of tea when I wake up in the morning, dont want to be washing up at 5 or 6.am.) before going to bed, when I automatically turned round behind me to change the dog water bowl to give them fresh water ) when it dawned on me I dont have them any more…
Jackie…
Hi Jackie, I know exactly how you feel. My husband passed away 12/4/2029. It’s 12.05 am and I have just read your post. I had thought to call the Samaritans as I felt so wretched. I’ve just lost my best friend, I miss the chat , the caring, holding hands, laughing and the quiet times just being together. I have terrible days where I wander around not knowing what to do with myself and I decided that I would do one ‘job’ a day. Cutting the grass, washing the kitchen floor or planting a tray of flowers. I have found this helps to develop a sense of doing something. I too have spent many evenings crying, thinking that if I cry hard enough or wish long enough he will come back. But when I put my sensible head on I know this is impossible and I have to carry on. My life will never be the same. You are not alone in your pain. I’ve been told that when the harshness goes I will be left with memories, although I too am a long way off from that. Xxx
Oh the day after the morning, mid-day I suddenly lost my Richard…11th April…
Montague, sadly we will find another three or four or maybe five who sadly lost our partners around the same time…I guess we are now a unique club that we dont want to be members of…
My mental state is a roller coaster, some days I have my business head on…other days it is part on and part off…I can literally go to pieces at the drop of a hat…I wish I could do more things but, if I do my MS exacerbates…
Jackie…
Jackie…
Hi,
I too lost the love of my life on 12th April, 8 weeks ago tomorrow and I have no idea how I have got through those 8 weeks! The pain is indescribable and yes we are all now part of a club we dint want to be in and let’s be honest never expected to be! If someone had told me last summer that this will be the last summer you will spend together I would never have believed them! Shock, disbelief, sadness, despair and goodness knows how many other emotions we go through on a daily basis but we have to keep going although I do question myself as to why!!!
Take care,
Lynn x