So, it’s gone midnight and today will be 30 weeks since my beloved man died. It’s also our wedding anniversary today and l have dreaded it for weeks.
He always said that our wedding day was the happiest day of his life and l am clinging to that thought this morning. A close friend reminded me earlier this week about how my beloved said ‘I do, l do, l do’ very loudly in the wrong place in the ceremony because he was so excited. The registrar laughed and said to him ‘yes, l know you do, but you said it at the wrong time so we’ll have to start again!’
I don’t know how l am going to get through today. I will throw myself into my work, try and distract myself for as long as l can. However, l know the tears will come, the grief is still so raw and there are times that l still can’t quite believe that my life with him is over and that this is my new ‘normal’. But l will continue to put one foot in front of the other and try and make him proud of me.
Thinking of all of you on this awful journey, especially anyone facing an anniversary this weekend. Much love
With Christmas fast approaching and the dread I can’t imagine what it will feel like when our anniversary comes around so my love is with you! I lost my partner 2 weeks ago and I feel I am getting worse, hence joining here tonight. I feel so alone and no-one around me gets it, it’s my norm that has changed so much not theirs yes they may grieve but when they leave the majority of their norm remains the same but ours is nothing the same. How are you feeling 30 weeks on?
I still take things day by day @Foreveryoung81. I went back to work about 6 weeks after l lost my husband and l think it helped save my sanity.
There are days when l still do more crying than anything else, and l miss him beyond measure. The realisation that he is no longer here still hits me in waves, however l have a shedload of memories and photos - l understand from your other thread that you have the same - and they remind me of happy days.
I think it’s a case of being kind to yourself, give yourself chance to breathe and don’t try and bottle the grief up x
Thank you, just to know I’m not alone and what I feel is ‘normal’ if any of this is even that because it feels far from it to me. I have a night out with his work’s colleagues tomorrow they were told of anything happens that was the plan to take me, I am looking forward to the laughter but feel guilty that I should be at home missing him as I do, looking at photos and wishing he was here. I have been given another month bereavement leave so will be 6 weeks for me going back too if I manage it. My role is very public and lots of contact with people who will ask questions and I just somehow need to know I can deal with that.
The first time l had to tell someone who didn’t know l had lost my beloved was very hard, l’m not going to lie.
But you do right going out. My husband had always made it very clear to me that l had to try and live my life, if anything happened to him, so l do try. Not always successfully and sometimes l really have to force myself out of the door, but l do it.
Lee was the same told me to live my life, but what life do I have now. The only time I laugh is thinking of his jokes or things he said or did, I know it’s early days and lost my dad 5 years ago this week at just 54 so had only just managed to smile more than cry about him and now I’m hit with this. Lee came into my life after I lost my dad and filled that void, he protected us and gave us more love than I could have imagined and now there is a huge hole left.
@YorkshireRose I had my first wedding anniversary without my husband last weekend. We would have been married 35 years. I have found like all the ‘firsts’ the build up to the day was much harder than the day itself. Everyone is different but I try to keep busy on these days and have something planned. On our anniversary, myself and my daughter and her family, visited somewhere my husband had wanted to go but never got the chance. It was incredibly sad but also brought nice memories. I hope you get through your anniversary with some happy memories. Take care.
Hello @Jan17 - well, l did 7 and a bit hours at work, then packed up for the day about an hour ago. Having family round for tea, which is another welcome distraction, especially our youngest granddaughter who is a 2 year old bundle of mischief.
Had a lot of tears earlier, when talking to one or another of the kids, but l have to say, the build up has been worse than the day itself, which is exactly what you said to me. Thought about the wedding, looked at some photos and remembered just what an amazing bloke l had the great privilege of marrying
