Out of the blue

Out of the blue came a message today.
The headstone has been put up.
Finally after all this time. He died 18 months ago.
I don’t go rushing down to look.
I had been upset after a year that I hadn’t got it sorted out. Now six months down the line it is. I can’t change my mind now like I had been. Something like that you would think it is easier. Not so. I made a huge thing out of it. Because of the bereavement bla or fog whatever you like to call it.
So now I have to sort out the final bits and bobs for that part. Keep it looking decent etc. Do something for him. It is in place. It is what it is just a place where we used to sit. Where we started to walk at first all those years ago. Symbolic.
Lots of out of the blue things occur. Like I still get letters sometimes addressed to him. Still get phone calls from people who don’t know. Less now but still happens. Someone tells me something I didn’t know about him. A new realization. Something else comes out of the woodwork.

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Good morning @Enorac
Oh my darlin’
The same happened to me a couple of weeks ago regarding my husband’s plaque.

My husbands ashes are home with me in his little box, in the sideboard in our front room. And that’s where I want them to stay.
But on the first anniversary of his funeral on September 16th I returned to the crematorium, and sat for a while, and then took a walk around the memorial gardens and decided I wanted to plant a tree in his memory. So had a meeting and set it all up.
I choose a tree (crab apple) and a plaque with my husband’s name and dates, and a space on the stone to add my name. Our ashes will then be put together with the tree
The tree was eventually planted on December 27th. I was invited to be there. It was absolutely pouring with rain.
But the plaque wasn’t ready and then seemed to be taking ages to be ready. I was chasing it, and it was making me very sad and feeling like his tree was incomplete without the plaque bearing his name.
I was still visiting the tree, adding personal decorations, and ornaments around the base, but still no plaque.
Anyway on this particular occasion a couple of weeks ago I was at the tree, and as it was a week day ( I had a few days of work) I thought I’d call in at the office and ask in person if they had any idea when it would be ready.
You’ve probably guessed what happened…after a few clicks on her computer, one of the staff said, ’ oh hang on, just give me a minute’ she went out the back , came back and said. ‘it’s here it came in late on Friday’

‘oh good’ I thought. And then I was taken round to see it.

WHAM BAM… what an emotional feeling deep inside I had not expected
OUT OF THE BLUE… Just seeing his name there in black and white with his dates…another step to making it feel so horribly real…
I now wished that the plaque wasn’t there at all…

The gardener there who looks after the trees, carried the plaque ( it’s like a big flat pebble stone) for me and placed it on the tree. He left me in peace…

I just stood staring down…
Reading my husband’s name,
His dates
The word ‘Soulmates’
Then a space at the bottom for my name and dates…
Sobbing …

Another ride on the rollercoaster of grief we all ride.

Thank you to all of you for reading, and for the space for us to write our experiences and emotions

Love hugs and strength to you all reading this


I’m yet to visit my Phil’s memorial it was finished on the 16th April but I’m dragging my feet because it’s just one more line in the sand confirming he’s gone for good. My bolt from the blue was when one of his friends sent me a picture of him in a cowboy hat that I’d never seen before from a few years ago looking healthy and younger and not the shadow of a man the cancer left him over the last few months. I’m sure one day it will give me comfort when I look at it but for now I can’t look at it, it just shows what been taken from me. Bad day here.

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On Saturday came a message that my plans for Sunday would again be scuppered. I had planned to distract myself and go to the bowls club annual open event. I had found the skirt to wear and felt it would be a step forward.
The cricket is cancelled we are coming for lunch tomorrow. I felt unprepared because there is no reason to go shopping just for myself.
I have enough. But so Sunday massive effort.
Well I tell myself I will keep everything ready in case but slowly it slips. So clean up, shop, make cakes, cook etc. I know I will be really tired the next day. But it is nice to see them. Then we go to see the new memorial which has just been erected. It really hits me. There is the space for myself and I feel a lump.
But I try to keep it together. Another bolt has hit. Now I felt flat yesterday and today. Moped about. Weeded garden some more. Went late to a fellowship group. Was asked what I did in the morning. I explained but not understood. Wish I hadn’t mentioned it. I feel judged.

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