As I reflect on my life through grief it reminds me of a movie that I have starred in. It happened but just doesn’t feel real. I want to change it, edit it and remove parts of it, remove the ending and like in some movies have a happy ending. I see myself evolving being moved along at a speed I can’t keep up with where I just want to press pause for a while and stay in a moment I was happiest. We can do that in a movie but life alas stops for no one and continues at it’s own speed with me being swept along whether I want to or not. Christmas is a time however to pause, reflect, take time out, as we come to the end of one year to begin another one. Life is a constant cycle of life, death and rebirth, we cannot change it or control it but we can direct our energy towards where we want it to be, as in what brings us happiness and joy, counting our blessings. We lost a loved one but were fortunate to have known their love. I will try on Christmas day to be thankful for that love and all the happy memories of ‘our own movie’ which can never be edited or deleted. My new year goal is to create another movie of the next chapter of my life and I get to direct it. I hope everyone will have hope in their hearts this Christmas to write their own new movie for 2025. We cannot change what has gone but our loved one’s will always be in the movie of our life just in a different way
Very well put. I get’ your analogy of a movie. I am thankful I can’t edit or delete my movie’. No pathology can ever rob me of our beautiful wondrous memories made together nor our never ending love for one another. Although I so wish his cruel disease and prognosis was on the cutting room floor’.
What a refreshing way to look at it.
Me I walk with this movie playing still.
Yes I did new stuff but there is the movie going with me like I went to the place we struggled round at Blenheim but this time it was on the light trail in a wheel chair and I saw the places we went when he was alive. No way could I push that aside. I imagined him in a wheel chair as well had he not been extinguished. Think why did we struggle when we should have got scooters? I don’t know how I can divorce myself.
I know in time it fades. I have lost parents and a baby. And it does fade but never ever really goes always reminders.