My beautiful Mum died just over two years ago.
For those who are at the early stages of grief, please do not be despondent reading my post, I do not want you to worry that you too will be heavy with grief over 24 months on.
That intense grief has passed, where you wake up first thing and it hits you like brand new news again each morning.
But there are days when I could cry and cry. Writing this, tears are pouring down my cheeks.
The thing is, life was better when my Mum was alive. So nothing lives up to those times. I have children and I am so grateful for that but it was even better when I had my children AND my Mum around. How will I ever feel better? Or do I just have to get used to the fact that I never will? I suppose I have to think of this as a new era and try not to constantly draw comparisons to how things were before.
How shall I phrase it diplomatically? My marriage is not the best. Before, I had my Mum to talk to about it (and everything else- we would chat for hours a day!). Without that lifeline I am getting increasingly socially anxious and yet when I told they GP they handed me a form to contact the local Mind group. Does the GP not offer counselling anymore or antidepressants?! Any help? No?
I know I need to help myself and yet I have lost all umph and I just don’t have much energy. My own health has not been great either and so that worries me too. It’s a viscous cycle, I become anxious worrying about my health and that, in turn, makes me feel ill! Argh!
I know my Mum would want me to be living life to the full and I therefore really want to learn to feel happier so that I can do this and be a better more joyful Mum- like my lovely Mum was.