Overcoming stages of grief

Hi Shazdebos
My husband was 66. He was always the one in the family to urge everyone to exercise more. He cycled everywhere ( it was his passion even spent Thursday afternoons teaching children to cycle) and did circuit training twice a week. At the beginning of last year he went to the doctors as he appeared to have poor circulation in his hands after exercising due to this, he was referred to the cardiac clinic but was deemed non urgent. Covid resulted in non urgent appointments being cancelled and even when he did get the appointment all the routine tests were not done on the same day again due to the covid backlog As nothing showed up ( which probably would have done if he’d had the exercise ECG) he was told to carry on as normal. At the meeting with the consultant after Phil’s death, she said her biggest regret was not telling him to not cycle!
Sorry you asked how old my husband was and got a long winded reply! I
have grown up children family and friends who offer me support which I’m so grateful for.
I don’t know if it’s mentioned or acceptable on this site but if you or anyone needs practical support ie sorting out all the sadmin stuff (financial etc) I feel, unfortunately, I’ve become an expert! Nothing absolutely nothing has been straightforward
Sending my thoughts and hugs

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Thank you for your reply & so sorry for the loss of your Husband too…. seems so many ‘fit people’ who exercise regularly, look after themselves & ‘least expected’ are passing away far too early with undiagnosed heart issues not taken seriously. I think Cardiologists ‘perceptions of people are wrongly judged’ from my Husband’s experience…they look at their physique from the ‘outside’ & don’t consider what’s happening on the ‘inside’ or medical notes in front of them.
COVID has ruined/taken so many lives & the NHS/Government need to improve this massively going forward.
I never thought I would be a widower at 52 years of age & my poor girls of 14 & 21 not growing up with their Dad by their side….we miss him so much, but grateful I see him in the girls everyday at least & had the most amazing memorable 25 years of my life with him by my side….still feel so robbed though & do ask ‘why us’ like I’m sure everyone else also questions….
Take care & thanks again for sharing your story, as this site has helped in seeing how many others are all suffering same grief & pain


Thankyou for your message my dear. Your husband was pretty young though. At least our girls have grown & flown though they are still grieving. My husband had a bad fall 5 months before though when people start falling, it is a sign. Our dearest friend was a complete shock. The post mortem showed that the smaller arteries to his heart had collapsed. I don’t think much the NHS could have been done much about that. Don’t give up-you never know!

Life is so unfair my daughters are grown up married with children but have taken it very hard every day is a struggle I am sure it will get easier with time
The hardest thing is the lack of warning and the fact he could not have been more fit or health conscious
My thoughts are with you take care of yourselves

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