I have just joined the group My civil partner died in August, peacefully at home At the time I dealt with things and felt that I had done the best for her and thought I wasnt coping too bad However these last few days up to Christmas have not been easy, the feelings of grief are overwhelming at times. People at church mean well when they ask if I am OK and its easier to say I am and if I said no they cant do anything anyway as there is the realisation that she is not going to come back
Dear Jobsy. I replied to someone yesterday who had made a very similar comment. This is what I said.
I am so sorry to read of your loss. My wife was a Professed Franciscan within the Catholic Church, and was committed to following the life of St Francis. She died in mid November, and I get the same question. I think people don’t know what to say and it’s probably hard for them too. I don’t now say I’m fine, but that I am good, or I’m OK, which I think are totally different. I know I’m not fine, as you say of course, and I really sometimes want to say, I’m not fine, or I’m struggling. I’m really lucky to have a large supportive family who are also all grieving, naturally, and we are able to get together regularly and have drink, a cry, hug and talk about my wife, their mother or grandmother. We find that helps us all, and I’m pretty sure my sons and daughters have shed many a tear recently, like me.
Padre Pio said Pray, Hope and Don’t worry. I’d add a bit to that and say, Pray that things are not as bad as you expected, Hope you have the courage to cope, and if not, don’t worry about what others have to say. It’s you that’s important now. Trust in your faith. Don’t let the devil take control.
God bless you. Much love. M
This grief just keeps washing over you like tidal waves. Just when you think you are doing well, wham it hits you and knocks your breath away. It’s been 11 weeks for me. I’m certain it hasn’t really sunk in yet. I know all the facts, but my heart still gives the love, and still remembers the love it got in return. Whilst that is so he is still here and I cannot let him go, nor do I want to. It’s hard seeing people being happy, enjoying the season, when all you had has gone. But remember the good times, have a cry and know there will be better times ahead. It’s just going to be hard, especially at Christmas. You are in good company here. Just keep posting and reading and I expect there will be quite a few visiting this forum over the next few days.
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