In March this year my sister (58), was rushed to hospital, and she never came home. We’d been estranged for 5 years despite living opposite each other.

As soon as I found out I went to see her and was so distressed to see how ill she was. She was so confused and kept talking in circles. Thankfully she knew who I was and we had a big hug.

In April I took her to the neurologist appointment and they diagnosed brain cancer. 75% of the left hand side of her brain had been taken over. I was devastated but had to keep strong for sis.

They performed surgery and for a little while she was in a better place and a little less confused. Next step was the oncologist. She was trying to explain next steps, but my sister didn’t really know what she was talking about and asked to sit outside. The gorgeous nurse wheeled her outside while I stayed.

My world shattered, they told me that sis had 2 weeks to a short month left. There was nothing else that could be done but find a care home.

My mum and stepdad live over 400 miles away and are in their 80s so travelling was not an option. Having to make that call was absolute hell. My sisters daughter had passed away at just 17, and now I had to tell my mum she was losing her daughter too.

Anyway, I found a care home near to me so I could visit every day and close enough for her bestie to visit too.

While she was there, my wonderful stepdad died suddenly and very unexpectedly. I think I went into some sort of shock, I felt like I’d shut down.

Just 2 weeks later, my sister passed.

I’m so overwhelmed. Despite spending every day with her from the day I heard she was in hospital, I feel so much guilt at the 5 years we weren’t talking.

I feel guilt that I haven’t been able to visit my mum after she lost her husband and eldest daughter within 2 weeks of each other.

I just feel so much guilt that grieving doesn’t seem to have started.

Sorry for the long post, and thank you for just taking the time to read this far. Take care :purple_heart::butterfly::purple_heart:


Dear @VikS

Welcome to the Community, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. You have been through a lot in a short time and have not had time to grieve. There is no need to apologise, the Community is here for reaching out.

There is a useful Grief Guide that contains information and tools to help you understand and cope with your bereavement and grief. It would be worth having a look at when you are ready.

There is an article on Understanding Grief which may be of help and support to you.

Please be gentle with yourself, take one day at a time, grief is a roller coaster of emotions with highs, lows, good days and bad days. This is normal and for some grief can last for years which to is normal. It is your grief journey to be taken at your pace and in your time. There is no right or wrong way to grieve.

Please continue to reach out, you are not alone, we are all here for you. If you need further information, please email online.community@sueryder.org.

Take care.


1 Like

Sometimes the guilt is worse than the grief.
Sorry for your loss.

1 Like