Pain and Loneliness of Isolation

I lost my lovely daughter July 2017 and this incredible pain does not go away. I have found isolation to be the only way to cope. My son I have also lost as he does not understand my grief. I am lonely but it is easier than putting up with trying to explain that I cannot be happy

Hi Moggles, I too lost my daughter to cancer last April, then six months later cancer took my mum too. I felt guilty if I laughed , cried all the time wished it had been me. I couldn’t eat or sleep and wanted to stay shut away. I nearly died myself in September due to sepsis. It never goes away, I’m now on anti depressants but now I have to get up in the morning. I got myself a pug puppy and she depends on me. I’m not saying it’s the solution but it worked for me. The pain never goes away but through time I think we manage to get through it a bit easier. I found talking helps , on here there is always someone who has gone or is going through the same thing. There is some comfort in knowing your not alone, I think we just all need a coping mechanism whatever works. My pug literally saved my life, she is there to hug me or just to talk to. I know it’s hard but stay strong, I firmly believe I’m still here for a reason and you are too. Try talking to your son maybe with a grief counsellor, most hospitals or medical centres have one. Sometime a stranger is easier. Nobody will judge you , expressing yourself isn’t easy . Only now have I been able to admit I’m not coping, I wish I had told my family way sooner. Remember their is always someone on here.

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Hi moggles I lost my son April 18 so coming up to a year it is very difficult to get motivated at all about anything I find that work is my best distraction and I find driving one of my worst times we have to find something, anything to get through the days I hope you get some support from this site as we all know how each other feels will be thinking of you sal x

Hi Moggles, so sorry you are having to go through this terrible time. I too lost my beloved daughter one year ago and have struggled like you. I try to take one day at a time and if I have a bad day I think ‘tomorrow may be better’.
This site is invaluable to me as everybody has gone through similar experiences and are so supportive.
Do message me any time xxx

Hello. I’m so sorry for your loss. We lost our daughter unexspectadly and suddenly last August, she was 18. I still don’t know how we are ever going to carry on without her, I’ve no idea how we have got through the last 6 months but I do believe there will always be a piece of me missing and we simply learn to live differantly. I always feel guilty when I laugh, eat or even feel.warm when it’s cold outside. I wished it was my life that had been taken, not hers! I feel sad that I couldn’t save her life. We miss her every second of everyday. There are reminders of her everywhere, which sometimes bring us comfort and sometimes doesn’t because the pain of losing her is intense. I have a good support network and talking on here us good. Message me if you want to talk. Teresa x

Hi Moggles…I too lost my daughter to cancer just two months ago…it is still very early days for me and I miss her so much it is a physical pain…but I try to take one day at a time and I also try to be kind to myself and accept that some days are going to be really bad and some days just bearable. I know that I will never be the person I was before because there will always be a piece of me missing but in the ten months my daughter was ill she taught me what being brave and strong is all about so I try to tell myself that Helen would want me to live my life to the full to take support from my lovely husband and my two sons and my son in law and grandchildren…please try and get counselling and maybe get your son to go with you…I hope you find some sort of peace soon even though you will always be sad because of your grief.

Hi Moggles,

I’m so sorry you are travelling g this horrible journey that none of us want to be on. I lost both my sons six and a half years ago and eighteen months ago … 33 and36. It’s unbearable and it’s so lonely. I do t think anyone understands that constant yearning for them unless they have been through this.

I hope it will get better for you hun. They are in our hearts and souls for ever. Sending hugs from me to you.

Sue x

Thank you so much for your message xxx

Thank you it really does help receiving your message xxx

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I am so sorry. We sometimes forget others are suffering too. Thats why it helps to come on here. Thank you xxx

I am so sorry to read your message and that you are suffering too. Thank you xxx Although I would not wish this on anyone

I am sorry for your loss and thank you so much for your message. I need to think of others xxx

Thank you so much for your message.I am so sorry. I think it really helps being here and reading your messages. xxx

I am really sorry for you to lose both sons. How on earth are you coping. Thank you for your message xxx

I feel so selfish when I should be responding to people and trying to help but I feel so depressed and life is hard. But reading these messages makes me realise I am not alone xxx

We all get through each day as best we can but your right there is always someone here to listen we just need time to grieve.

Moggles … we can all help each other along hun … it’s so horrible and so hard. No one wants to feel like this or experience this… I wish none of us had to be here. It’s jusy shocking and unbelievable isn’t it. Take care and keep posting here. Sue x

Hi again, just thought I’d share the name of a book I bought that was helpful to me it’s called it’s okay that your not okay by Megan Devine maybe not now but sometime in the future you may want to try it - the support on here has helped me through some of my darkest times much love Sal x

Dear Sal,
I have also just bought this book but have not read it yet. I am so glad you found it helpful.
Much love xxx

On 22nd October, 2012, came news that my elder son had cancer. Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Very late stage. The bottom fell out of my universe. Exactly a month to that day, came a phone call, urging me to get to the local ED - to where he was being taken, having collapsed and being, ‘gravely ill.’ Long story short: by the time we made it to the hospital, he’d gone. In truth, he was dead before I had that call. I saw him next in an ante-room to the ED. on a trolley, the intubation tubes and ECG pads still in place. But he looked so peaceful. I held him, talked to him, stroked his hair. Kept expecting him to wake at any moment. But he didn’t. When we had to leave, it was the hardest thing I ever had to do. Next time I saw him, he was in his coffin, night before his funeral. I held his wife as she went to pieces. I spoke at his funeral. I kept going. Through the interment of his ashes. Then I fell over. Christmas seemed wrong. I was sick. Massive chest infection. Never any help with my grief. No counselling available at all. I’ve learned, over the years, not to talk of the pain of loss. I hide the times when the grief spears me. I weep in private. As it always will be…

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