I lost my dearest wife 1 month ago and it is so painful .She died of heart failure in hospital in front of me and I swear she had a tear in her eyes and I cannot get rid of this image of her struggling for breath and I am worried I will never get rid of it.Every time I get this image ,which is quite frequent , I break down.I loved her so much it is is painful knowing she is never going to return.Is there a way out of this ?I suppose there must be but I cannot think of a way
Dave14
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I’m so sorry for you loss .
I lost my husband 11 weeks ago, and there was just one tear from each eye shortly before he went. It broke my heart and I .still remember it.
When he left his mouth was wide open and I thought I’d never get the image out of my head.
I put a photo on my phone as a screen saver and after a while I reslised that I wasn’t seeing the bad image anymore. I think it was because everytime I used my phone I’d see the lovely photo of him that I chose.
This is a horrendous journey you’re now on, but using this forum where we all understand each others turmoil has really helped me.
Please let it help you too.
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Sorry for your loss 
Grief is a horrible place to be, I’m only 5 weeks in so totally understand how you are feeling. I was cuddling my partner when he died and it’s hard to get the image from my mind but I wouldn’t have had it any other way, at least I and he knew he had my love to help him pass over. I know this helped him as I had a session with a medium and she told me this helped him. So try and see it as you were there supporting her through her final moments and passed feeling your love for her. Hope this makes sense.
I dont think there is a way out but there is a way through. Your thoughts won’t always be sad ones but of cherished memories. Maybe do what @Liro suggested with a screen picture of your wife, that is what I have done a lovely smiley one of us together (my profile picture on here)
Sending you strength and love 
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Thanks for the reply Liro.I shall try that suggestion.I am sorry for your loss too as it is so hard when you are close to one another
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Oh @Dave10 I just hope it helps.
I’ve had a really bad day today but with the help of friends I know I’ll be ok. And you will be too. Just let yourself grieve and take any offers of help you can.
I’m afraid you’re now on a rollercoaster. The only advice I can give is go with it. Eventually (I hope), the highs will outweigh the lows
Sending big hugs to you
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Thank you Liro you are very kind
Thank you Katyh.I am sorry for your loss and can understand what you are going through.It is the most difficult process in life and only time will help heal.
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Dear @Dave10
I’m so sorry, but you have found a good place here, because we all get it.
You can say whatever you want, whenever you want, someone is always there to respond .
A photo on your phone screen saver is a really good idea.
I too have that a lovely smiley happy photo of my husband, quite a few years back, before all his illnesses
When ever I’m out , for a coffee or a wee drink in the pub, i stand my phone up with his smiling face for me and everyone to see… He’s always there with me.
Love hugs and strength to you and everyone reading
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I am very sorry for your loss.
Same here about the lock screen or screen saver on the phone. I put my husband’s face photo as large as it can be on the screen. Every time I get a notification or pick up the phone, the photo comes up and his face is there, sometimes smiling and sometimes telling me off or complaining…,
I talk to his photo too. I think it can be one way of trying to cope with the pain, although it will probably never go away. We all know it sadly.
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I understand what you are saying but for me it is too early to do this as I break down every time I see an image of my darling wife but maybe somtime in the future it will not affect me like that.Anyway warmest wishes to you
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Dave10
So very sorry for your loss take care,
Lost my husband suddenly to a cardiac arrest whilst he was driving ,and he passed away in hospital 2hours later, this was 19 months ago and still struggling,
Not a journey we all want to be on ,
Look after yourself
Sue
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I am so sorry Sue for your loss.It must have been a terrible shock .It is amazing that the effects are still there .it must be horrible for you.I guess I will have to go through all this.Take care Sue
Dave10
It’s all about timing looking at photos . I break down to and I am 7 months along in this nightmare.
One step breathe Dave 10.
Dave10,
Thank you for your kind words, it must have
Been a horrendous time for you,
I try to go out for a,walk when i feel overwhelmed with grief,
Take care,
Sue
I lost my husband 8 weeks ago to Heart Failure. He was only 59. I feel awful still about everything and very very angry with myself and what happened in the hospital.
Those final images are hard to cope with. And I feel a huge sense of pity for him and all our hope and belief that he was coming home. He cried too. My daughter his step daughter came and said goodbye and he was crying and she was crying and wiped those tears from his face.
I’m scared I was not good enough at the end. That I didn’t say enough or do enough.
I struggle not to cry all the time. But I looked up types grief and it said :
- denial
- anger
- bargaining
- depression
- acceptance.
And I saw my experience in these. And you come back to them again and again .
It’s too soon Dave to be anything other than a mental mess on the inside and even when it’s all going well inside and on the outside you still get emotional hyjacks.
And it’s going to that way for the for see able.
I am lucky to have too family friends a widow and widower - 16 years on she says it still hurts- less often - but no less deeply. He says you learn to live alongside your grief.
So I just decided I will grieve my way cause that is the only authentic thing.
I will sit with photos and sad music and cry if that’s how I feel.
Crying is good and embracing grief is good. You got to be brave and live it. You will be sad.
You had the funeral yet?
I go up to the cemetery and see him and talk. I talk to him at home. Someone offered to sort clothes - sent me into orbit - no way. Only do what suits you and you are read for.
I’m 54 and way too young for this. I still want to wind back time. Change the course of events. The rest of our lives will never be the same - we will always live with our losses.
Hi Ktg
Thank you for the understanding words. My wife also suffered heart failure and I keep seeing this image of her gasping for breath just before she passed away and the image keeps repeating itself and I just break down and I cant get rid of it.Maybe it is just the grief coming out.Anyway I am really sorry for your loss as it seems you were very close to your husband and miss him badly.I miss my wife terribly .I have had her cremated as that was what she wanted.Best of luck for the future
Indeed nothing is linear.
That’s why I didn’t call them stages - as you say they are not.
But they are real experiences - real feelings. It is for each person to choose what is helpful or not for themselves. Grief is unique and self owned.
What do I feel
Grief is anger, denial, overwhelming panic, loneliness, loss of my future, unrequited love, not wanting to get up, wishing I wasn’t here in this world, trying to find meaning in the darkness of the night.
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Hello Dave 10
Sorry for your very recent loss , I m in exactly the same situation as you so I know what you’re going through. My wife passed away in February with lung cancer in the local hospice . I was holding her hand and stroking her forehead I had to watch her struggling for breath and the look on her face will stay with me forever . I find that bereavement counselling has helped me a bit , It may help you Dave to talk about how you feel and don’t try to stop the tears It’s part of the grieving process.