Phew… trying to remain calm. Feeling so upset tonight. Had dad’s cremation last Thursday and now3 days later I’m feeling so crap. I was making dinner earlier and thought, oh my god I must call dad not spoken to him for a while now. Then I realised …no…. I can’t do that, as he’s gone. I could barely carry on cooking. It’s so horrible, miss my pops so much 
xx
Hello
My dad’s cremation was last Tuesday. I was going to call him this evening to remind him West Ham are playing Chelsea tomorrow night. He’d have laughed and said something like well there’s no point watching that then. Then I realised and started to cry. Earlier I filled the bird feeder and wanted to tell him the magpies had got at the seeds. I don’t know when we’ll feel safer with our memories, but I hope we will. I hope this is a safe place to say these things.
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So sorry to hear this too. It’s something you can’t prepare for. Even though you tried. What I’ve started doing is continuing to have those conversations with my pops, as for me it keeps his spirit alive somehow and I know he’d want to hear the little trivia of my thoughts. It brings me a tiny bit of (painful) comfort and I even can predict his responses to those things. I specifically have some items I can ‘talk to’ that allow me to have conversation albeit one sided with my pop. It’s maybe not for everyone, but helps me emotionally. The items are glass candle holders with 2 different photos of my pop in each. One photo was dad in a suit & tie, looking smart and like the intelligent smart father he was. The other was taken when we had a fun day out where pops was cracking funnies and we were free as birds to do what we wanted. So depending on what I need to say, or feel, I light the tealight depending on my needs. I also have his ashes which are an amazing comfort. I hope you find some comfort too xxxx 
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