My mum passed away july 2021 ,we were really close, i saw her 4 or 5 times a week.
I always knew it would be hard without mum, but was never prepared for this.
I still lie awake some nights and still cry , the emptiness i feel without her all the time is overwhelming.
Have got really good at hiding my feelings around other people, but on my own there is no where to hide.
Am married but my husband says it upsets him because there is nothing he can do to help, so i try not to get upset in front of him.
Am just totally exhausted feeling like this all the time, mum is in my thoughts every day, i don’t know how to feel like me anymore without her.
I even fell out with one of my oldest friends because her parents are elderly and her dad has dementia and she hardly ever see,s them,she is only interested in meeting her friends .
I would give anything just to have one more day with mum, so many things i wish i had said.
Just to be able to hold her again , and hear her voice.
I did try counselling, but it didn’t help.
When i have bad days and cry sometimes feels like the tears are never going to stop.
I can be around people but still feel totally alone.
I don’t know what the answer is anymore, just know that the pain i feel every day is real. And am so tired of it. I know if there was a rewind button we would all press it but sadly life is not that easy
Hi jasmine195, i can totally relate to you. I lost my nan 6 months ago i feel so sad and upset as much as i did the day she passed. I write to my nan every morning just what i would be doing etc she was more like my mum as she raised myself and my brother. people say oh remember the days you had with her and i do but i cry every single day. lots of people say your nan wouldnt want you to feel like this but i cant help it. so sorry for your loss. always here if you want to message.
also my daughters called Jasmine
lots of love hugs
Chelle x
Hi, Jasmine 195. I’m really sorry for your loss and I can empathise with you because my mom died one week ago. I had no idea how devastating it was going to be because it is only when they’ve gone that you really miss them being there. Now, I only have to see something around the house or experience some long-forgotten memory that reminds me of her to set me crying. I never left home and lived with my mom and dad all my life so I’ve never known what it’s like to live with anyone else like a wife and or kids. I think this makes it that much harder. I also feel a lot of guilt because I was her main carer up until she died and I cringe when I think of the times I lost my patience with her when trying to change her or move her. It was never her fault as she had dementia and double incontinence and, in the end, no mobility, and I feel I should have been more patient. She was nearly 94 so she had a good run but when I think of how attractive she was as a younger woman and so full of life it really upsets me. I think there is no easy solution to grief and I guess different people need different amounts of time and ways to at least come to terms with it. Anyway, Just posting here makes me feel a bit better as we are all sharing our grief with one another which, for me anyway, makes the sense of isolation less. Lots of love.
Chelle-luan, very sorry for your loss I’m only beginning to experience what it’s like to lose a loved one myself so I feel for you.
hiya, its awful i cry so much everyday 
sorry for your loss too
love chelle xx