I’m so sorry to hear this Mick. I had thought I would be in the same situation. My husband had to have a post mortem and although his death was not due to COVID (he had cancer), had he tested positive for COVID (and they had to get the results of the COVID test before they would even do the post mortem) I would not have been able to see him or provided any clothing. You should absolutely have the choice, but like Ellie, I would encourage you to remember your wife when she was well and in happier times. My husband’s death was unexpected, sudden and traumatic, and when I visited him in the Chapel of Rest that trauma was still visible in his face. If I had my time again I have no idea if I would still do the same thing knowing what I know now but I do know it’s hard to get those final images out of my head. Thinking of you at such a very painful time. x
Thank you Sally,
I’m slowly coming to terms with the situation. So today I ordered a nice canvas of one of my favourite pictures of her and I’ll keep looking at that when I get it and try and remember the good times .
The funeral director was appointed by the funeral plan company we used I kind of came away with the feeling it was a case of “ Well that’s all you get for the money we’re being paid” having said that I already have bill for £981 plus printing,plus any floral tributes Trouble was it wasn’t fully paid up had about 15 months to go.
Still I don’t care about the money .I’m going to give her the best that I can .
Mick xxx
I hadn’t thought about that aspect since my husband died of a heart attack. It’s heartbreaking that you can’t do as you’d wish.
Thats a good idea about the canvas. I’m sure you will do her proud as best you can under all these covid restrictions, good luck with it all. So sorry you are going through this, take care.
Hi Mick so sorry your going through this with funeral directors. My husband passed away 4 weeks ago at home from heart problems . THEY insisted on doing a post mortem and put Covid as a secondary cause . Because of this I couldn’t see him again or dress him in his Scottish kilt etc . They just said they could place them on him. We brought him home but with a closed last resting place . I’m angry , devastated and distraught that I never got to see him one last time and it’s eating away at me. But we had to do what they said.
Hopefully you can go visit your beloved at the chapel of rest and talk to her xx
Thanks Mazz,
Your the second person to advise me to go to the chapel of rest regardless so I’m beginning to consider it. Like you I’ve just been so angry , but then anger is also a part of grieving .
Last night was the first time my phone didn’t ring , no one called. It’s two weeks Sunday she passed and although I still have support in many ways everyone is getting over the initial shock and moving on.
Going to have to find a way to get through the long winter nights alone .
Take care
Mick xx
Dear @Mickp,
If a visit in person is really no go, would you consider asking them whether it’s possible to arrange a video call so you can have the last viewing?
I am sorry for what you are going through, hang in there, matey xxx
Thanks Riley,
I’ll find a solution but it will be a compromise.
Again writing here realising that I’m not the only one affected by these new “rules”
Take care ,
Mick xx
Your so right Mike. Although I still have a great support network , everyone returns to their own lives and you just have to carry on mostly alone. Hopefully you can get some help with people on here . I know it helps me knowing I’m not alone and others are feeling the same as me. I’m still so angry and snappy at times . No tolerance to people which just isn’t the normal me. But how can we be the normal us when our heartbeats have been taken from us.
Please take care and go hour by hour small steps xx
Hello Mick. I do hope you find a way to see your wife in the chapel of rest. You need that closure to enable you to move on. Surely preventing you from visiting is against your human rights and needs. It is difficult enough at the moment as most of us are not allowed to have people inside our homes so we do get to feel very isolated as well as grieving. As a final suggestion you could get the funeral director to take a photo for you - but only when you have pushed as far as you can go to get what you want. Thinking of you Mick.
Thank you Jean, I’m going to call them on Monday and have another go
Take care Mick X
My husband died in August and I just don’t know what to do with myself sometimes. What am I going to do with the rest of my life? We had been together for 44 years since I was 18. Its dreadful and I know just how you feel.
Col2, I wish I could say there’s a quick fix but there isn’t .
The old cliche time heals is,I suppose true ,but it’s not what you want to hear.
We were married 30 years second time around as they say.
Almost selfishly I’m trying to plan my future.At 73 and now living alone with no friends or family nearby it makes you take stock . So I’m formulating a plan to downsize,sell up and find a flat closer to family after Christmas an although I feel guilty thinking this way but it gives me something to focus on.
I know she wouldn’t be surprised .
Take care
Mick
Mickp, I think it’s a good idea moving closer to your family. I’m lucky as when Bob was diagnosed with terminal prostate cancer we moved in with my daughter and her family. I’m so glad I’m not on my own, I wish you luck with your move. I hope it all goes smoothly.
Keep safe
Col2
It is interesting that you (@Mickp) are considering moving nearer your family. I currently live 21/2 hours from our son, at some point I may have to consider moving closer. If you go ahead with this, could you keep us updated on how you progress and your thoughts/concerns as you go along this path?