Pain

Losing a child
1

Hello , im new here , guess im looking for help in dealing with this . My son died in Nov 22 , he had cancer for a short period, we didnt know it was that bad .
I hurting so much , i cry at the drop of a hat for no reason , im constantly asked when im returning to work , i dont sleep well, im trying to get out and see people but i really just want to lay down, cry and see him :sleepy:
It isnt getting 'easier or better ’

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Dear @XJudeX

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. Thank you for bravely reaching out here. I see that you are new to the Community, I do hope it will be of comfort and support to you.

Many of our members have experienced the devastating loss of a child and will understand some of what you are going through. You can connect with them by using the search bar above. The following organisations will be of help and support to you.

  • Child Bereavement UK support families with the loss of a child. They also support bereaved children. You can call their helpline on 0800 02 888 40.
  • The Compassionate Friends support families who have lost a child of any age. You can call them on 0345 123 2304

Sue Ryder also has some resources which can help you cope with grief.

Grief is a journey and not a race and what you are experiencing and going through is normal and part of the grieving process. It is ok not to be ok. It might be helpful to chat to your manager and the Well Being department (I see you work for the NHS) and let them know how you are feeling and to see what support they can offer you.

It also might be helpful to book an appointment with your doctor if you have not done so already to let them know how you are feeling and to see what support they can offer you.

You are not alone, we are all here for you at any time, please continue to reach out.

Take care.

Pepsi

3

Dear friend, its still early days for you. This site is the best place you can be. We help each other through the darkness and eventually we start to feel a little better. The pain never really goes away but we learn to deal with it. We lost our younger daughter aged 31 in 2019. Her little girl was just 3 and a half. She keeps us all going.
Keep posting. We are all here to help each other through this terrible time.

Much love Kate xx

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Dear xjudex. I also lost my daughter and the love of my life also in November 22. Losing a child is unlike any other loss. We lose a part of who we are and our very purpose for what we do in ilife, the pain of missing them is unbearable and the longing to have them back intolerable and I still can’t believe what has happened. How could you not cry, how can you sleep well, Infact its amazing you can even function. Sadly no words will take your pain away. Its such early days and all you can do is take it day by day or maybe minute by minute. I still cannot return to work. I dont have answers but I do understand. Every parent who has lost a child understands the unimaginable. I’m so sorry !
with care Paul x

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It’s not that it gets easier l found with my daughter who died suddenly at 22 . You tend to go through stages for me it was shock and l would cry at anything and to honest couldn’t think straight. Then l was so angry because it wasn’t fair.
Now l have learnt to carry the pain but every now again l get ambushed with emotion.
I was told by a friend to listen to my body sleep when you can and be really kind to yourself xxx

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So very true. We can live beside our grief but there are times when we are back at ground zero and all the awful trauma just kicks us in the gut and we can barely stand.
4 yesrs in July for us and it still hurts but we do manage to enjoy life again, somehow.

Love to all here.

Kate xx

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Its all just so hard , some days i burst into tears at anything and nothing .
Sleep is now a luxury
I admit i drink to much … to try to sleep.
I feel half of me has gone , so hard to explain.
Why him , he was one of lifes really good guys, well loved, well respected, and looked up to … but to me , he was my boy .
Totally heartbroken :broken_heart:

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I know what you mean it’s 16 years since my Lizzie passed away. Ironically l stopped drinking after she died as l was scared l would not know how to stop.
It’s different for everyone but the pain and it is a physical pain is the same.The pain doesn’t go away but you learn to carry it with you. Some one once told me and my husband that we had changed, l just looked at her and said what do you expect we had our world turned upside down and our hearts broken.
Unless you have experience losing a child whatever age people do not understand. You need time and you need to cry and if you are like me time to scream in private , drinking might numb the pain for now but it will not help you get all your feelings out. Sorry I am going on xx

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